More words of wisdom from Rob Rienow in
his book Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom, especially for
those of us in ministry:
For many years, I did not follow the
simple instructions God gives to fathers... I had been serving as a youth
minister for over a decade. If you had asked me at that time what my priorities
in life were as a Christian man, I would have responded quickly and with
conviction, "My first priority in life is my personal relationship with
God, followed by my love relationship with my wife. My kids come next, and my
fourth priority is my ministry in church." God, spouse, kids, others.
Not only did I preach about this
prioritized Christian life, I lived it. If the phone rang and my boss was on
the other line with a crisis, and at the same time the other phone rang and Amy
was on the line with a crisis, where would I go? How would I respond? I would
go home. In a crisis, I would not put my work ahead of my wife.
Over the course of that summer, the Holy
Spirit began to press me with a difficult question. "What are your
priorities if there is no crisis?" During a normal week, where did I give
the best of my heart, passion, energy, leadership, and vision? When I considered
my life in light of that question, I did not like what I saw. I preached the
Christian life priorities of God, spouse, kids, and others, but in my everyday
life, the order was completely backwards: others, kids, Amy, God. It sounds
horrible to say it this way, but my heart was at my job. When I was at work, I
was thinking about work. When I was at home, I was thinking about work. This
was followed by my relationship with my children. I was not an absent father,
physically or emotionally. I tried to spend time with them and connect with
them personally. However, I had no plan, whatsoever, to pass my faith on to my
children. As a youth pastor, I had tremendous strategic plans to pass my faith
on to everyone else's children! But with the immortal souls that God had
entrusted to my care... I was just showing up. I gave them my spiritual
leftovers after I poured myself out at work.
My next priority was my marriage to Amy.
After I gave my best at work and gave the leftovers to the kids, Amy got what
few scraps were left. This is not to say that I did not try to spend time with
her and do what I could to help around the house, but my heart was not with her
first and foremost. I was seen as a strong spiritual leader at my church, while
I was providing virtually no spiritual encouragement for my wife.
Because my life was upside down and
backwards, I was so far from God...and I didn't even know it. It was a dark
summer because I had to admit that the life I thought I was living was a
mirage. I was not a man who put my ministry to my wife and children first. God
brought me to a place of brokenness and repentance. I confessed and
acknowledged the broken state of my life to God and repented to my wife and
children. Then God began graciously to rebuild my family on the sufficiency of
His Word and His grand purpose for our lives. Now, eight years after the
rebuilding began, our family continues to learn, grow, repent, and seek God
together.
Other excerpts from the book:
Pastoral Repentance
Overwhelmed, Burned-out, and Discouraged
The Great Commission and The First Commandment
God's Call To Fathers
Transforming Youth and Children's Ministry
Overwhelmed, Burned-out, and Discouraged
The Great Commission and The First Commandment
God's Call To Fathers
Transforming Youth and Children's Ministry
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