Review: The Teenage Guide to Life Online by Nicola Morgan (Walker Books, 2018)

What follows is a book review by my son, Jakin:

This book is directed at youth (hence the title) and does a good job at persuading the reader that smartphones can be both beneficial and detrimental, and also providing practical steps to take to prevent and manage addictions to the internet. Overall, this book is well-organised and the author makes all points very clear to readers.

The author uses a lot of statistics and research results in the process of showing the positive and negative effects of the internet. To begin with, the author introduces the extent at which the internet has developed, as well as the pervasiveness of smartphones. “According to the website Statista, in 2014 there were 1.57 billion smartphone users around the world. This is predicted to rise to 2.87 billion by 2020.” (pg. 17). The author uses statistics like these to help readers realise that technology might be a problem. The author even compiles pages of resources and links to websites for the reader to check out at the end of every chapter. These are what the claims the author makes are based on.

The author splits the book into many sections of using the internet, and in each category she states both positives and negatives, then concludes. These help readers to identify where they have their own struggles and where they are strong at using technology well. If they require help, the author provides tips after each negative point. For example, in the category “Reading on Screens”, the author makes a point that we may be losing the ability to read deeply or slowly. After explaining how screens may cause us to do so, the author, under the heading “How to avoid this negative:”, provides advice, such as ‘2. When you are reading something important, tell yourself: “I’ll read this slowly and concentrate.”’.

This book comes out as one that clearly makes its case on technology, providing a balanced argument on the benefits and drawbacks of the internet, and yet is also practical for those seeking help. This book would be best read while in a discussion between parent and child, such that parents can guide their children in taking action if necessary while they read the book together. Of course, parents could also unexpectedly learn something from the book when discussing with their children, so everyone benefits.

Transforming Youth and Children's Ministry from "Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom"

Rob Rienow explains God's design for ministry and evangelism to youth and children in his book, Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom.

SO WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED?

Through the last century of modern youth and children's ministry we have learned what we are looking for is:

• A low "leader-to-child ratio"
• A person who will disciple a child for the long haul
• A person who loves the child with all their heart and is willing to sacrifice everything to lead them toward godliness
• A person who has day-in, day-out experience and skills working with this age of child
• A person who has authority from God to require obedience from the child.

Does this sound like someone we might know? A parent! All the things we are looking for in our church-based ministries God has already built into the institution of the family, and the parent-child relationship.

BUT WHAT ABOUT KIDS WHO DON'T HAVE CHRISTIAN PARENTS?

I can hear you. "Rob, this whole model where the church equips Christian parents to disciple their kids is great for all the Christian families, but what about all the unsaved kids who don't have parents to disciple them?" This question is of the utmost urgency and importance.

As a first response, I need to address the assumption in the question. The assumption is that our modern ministry is radically effective evangelistically.

I once gathered together my team of ten paid youth ministry staff and asked them a question, "Can you give me the names of students who have come to Christ in this last year?" I didn't want names of students who checked a box on a card. I didn't want names of students who were on fire for a month and disappeared. I wanted the names of students who a year ago were lost, in families that were lost, and who were now converted, walking with Christ, and meaningfully connected with the church.

The response? At first, silence. Everyone was racking their brain trying to think of a student who was a new believer. This was in the context of five hundred active students from 7th-12th grade. This was in the context of a ministry dedicated to outreach and evangelism. We were blowing the doors off. Many events were standing room only. Yet, we were struggling to come up with specific students who we knew had been converted. After more thought, we identified five students who we believed were new converts. Five out of five hundred.

So my first response to the question of reaching unsaved youth is to challenge the assumption that what we are currently doing is effective. While God uses fallen people and flawed methods (thank you, Lord) to advance His Kingdom, we should not be at all satisfied with the evangelistic effectiveness of our current ministry model. People are dying apart from Christ and going to hell, and through our ministry model we see precious few saved! We must return to God's methodology, not only because it is His, and not only for the sake of our own children, but for the sake of the lost as well.

I set out to interview these five new believers. I wanted to find out what happened to them. What was their story? How did God take them from darkness to light? Many of their answers would not surprise you. God brought them a Christian friend. They attended a couple of youth group events. They heard some portions of Scripture. But there was a common thread. Each of these five (and I realize this was not a Barna study) not only had a Christian friend, but they were meaningfully involved in their Christian friend's family life. They went on trips with them. They frequently were over for meals. They could walk in the front door without knocking, because they were so welcome in that home. They saw love, forgiveness, grace, joy, and the gospel in action.

I asked them, from their perspective, what had the greatest impact on their journey toward Christ. They all said in their own words, "being a part of that family." At that time I didn't understand the doctrines of sufficiency and jurisdiction, but my view of "child and youth evangelism" changed forever. Before that time, I thought the responsibility for reaching unsaved youth rested with Christian young people (through peer-to-peer evangelism) and with the local youth ministries.

I am now convinced the responsibility for child and youth evangelism is an "all-hands-on-deck" mission for every family in the local church. As a father, it is not my job to simply say to my children, "You need to be sharing Christ with your friends." Instead, God calls us to minister together as a family by opening our home to children in the neighborhood. Our family is a powerful evangelism and outreach center. This is not because we are super-spiritual, but simply because we are Christians.

If we are going to get serious about reaching children who don't have Christian parents, we need to unleash every single one of the local church's "satellite ministries." But Rob, we don't have any satellite ministries. Yes, you do! They are called homes.

My second response to the question of reaching unsaved children is we have dramatically over-estimated the evangelistic impact of church programs, and dramatically under-estimated the evangelistic impact of the Christian family. Imagine if the parents and grandparents in your church stopped looking to the youth ministry to reach the unsaved students in the community, but took the responsibility to intentionally welcome their children's friends into their homes with the goal of reaching not only them, but their entire family for Christ!

Here is the third response. One of the reasons we do not see many unsaved students coming to Christ is because the majority of our focus in Sunday school and youth group is on Christian students. If your church is like most, the majority of children in Sunday school are from church families. The majority of students on your youth group retreat are from church families. The leadership of the church, along with the parents, are expecting the youth and children's leaders to disciple the church kids! As a result, most next-generation ministry leaders are overwhelmed with all of their relationships and discipleship with children who come from Christian homes. This leaves precious little time for serious outreach to the unsaved.

This seems counter-intuitive, but an essential key to accelerating youth evangelism is for a church to embrace the biblical model of home discipleship. When this happens, the youth and children's ministry team is no longer expected to disciple the Christian children from the Christian homes! Instead, in accordance with God's Word, parents are trained and equipped to disciple their own children at home. When this happens (1) every Christian home grows in its mission of becoming a discipleship and evangelism center and (2) the youth and children's ministry staff at the church are freed up to get out of the church building and launch evangelistic initiatives out in the community. We cannot wait any longer to embrace the biblical model, for the sake of our own children, and for the sake of the lost.

Other excerpts from the book:

Death in the Ditches

Repentance

Pastoral Repentance

Overwhelmed, Burned-Out, and Discouraged

The Great Commission and The First Commandment

God's Call To Fathers

God’s Call To Fathers from "Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom"

From Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom by Rob Rienow:

In… Ephesians, God gives a Great Commission calling to fathers.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” - Ephesians 6:4

Fathers are to take the lead in passing faith and character to their children. What is God’s primary plan for children to be evangelised and discipled? Fathers. God did not create the institution of the local church to take over or replace His calling for fathers to disciple their children at home. Rather, the early Christian churches trained and equipped fathers for their “disciple making ministry” at home. Ephesians 6 is a specific example of this training. Ephesians, along with the other letters of the New Testament, were read as sermons in first century churches. These words were spoken from the pulpit to fathers: calling, challenging, and instructing them how to embrace their mission to disciple their children.

God gives men two vital words here if they want to impress the hearts of their children with a love for God. Fathers are to bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

The word discipline here means far more than correcting wrong behaviour. It is a word that connotes systematic training and action. One might think of teaching a child the “discipline” of karate. The child engages in wide variety of training activities, which in the end lead him toward becoming an expert in karate. In the same way, God calls fathers to take the lead in the spiritual training of their children. Fathers are to pray with their children, worship in church with their children, and serve their neighbour with their children. Fathers are to practise the disciplines of the Lord with their children.

But fathers are not only commanded to practise their faith with their children, they are commanded to bring them up in the instruction of the Lord. Echoing the Great Commandment in Deuteronomy 6, God calls fathers to talk with their children about the things of God. Where can a father find the “instruction of the Lord?” There is only one place: in His Word. Fathers are to lead regular family worship in the home: reading, studying, and discussing God’s Word at home.

Once again, God connects the Great Commission with the family. If a man wants to impact the world for Christ and he is a father, he should think first of the souls of children, the souls that God has uniquely entrusted to his care.

Other excerpts from the book:

Death in the Ditches

Repentance

Pastoral Repentance

Overwhelmed, Burned-Out, and Discouraged

The Great Commission and The First Commandment
Transforming Youth and Children's Ministry

The Great Commission and The First Commandment from "Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom"

From Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom by Rob Rienow:

At the end of Matthew’s Gospel, we find Jesus’ Great Commission to His disciples.

“And Jesus came and said to them, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age’” - Matthew 28:18-20

God’s desire from the creation of the world is unchanged. He wants this earth, and the New Earth, filled with worshippers. With this in mind, we can see the first commandment from Genesis 1:28 echoed here in the Great Commission. Jesus parallels, reiterates, and expands His first commandment to Adam and Eve.

FIRST COMMANDMENT	GREAT COMMISSION
Genesis 1:28	Matthew 28:19-20
Be fruitful and multiply	Make disciples
Fill the Earth	Of all nations
Subdue it	Teach them to observe all I have commanded

In the first commandment, God calls us to multiply physically and spiritually through having and raising godly children. Jesus calls His followers to “make disciples” and thereby multiply! Jesus called His disciples to be disciple-makers. In the beginning, God established His plan to “fill the earth.” Jesus repeats His own words from Genesis 1 when He calls His disciples to “all nations.” In the beginning, God called Adam and Eve to subdue the world, and take dominion over it. This meant far more than taking care of the garden and the animals. Adam and Eve, and their descendants were called to establish the righteous and holy reign of God in every sphere of life. Jesus reiterates this call by saying “teach them (all nations) to observe all I have commanded you.”

Am I arguing that the Great Commission is all about marriage, the family, and raising godly children? No, the Great Commission is much greater and broader. But as we have seen throughout God’s word, marriage, the family, and raising godly children are all connected to the Great Commission.

Like you, I have heard many sermons on the Great Commission. The typical pattern in these sermons is to preach through the text and then challenge the congregation to think about (1) our non-Christian neighbours, and (2) unreached people groups (global missions). Are you praying for and reaching out to your non-Christian neighbours, and are you involved in global missions? These are certainly proper challenges, and appropriate application points from Matthew 28.

But our adult friends and those on the other side of the world are not the first ones we are called to evangelise and disciple. If we are married, encouraging faithfulness and godliness in our spouse is where our ministry begins. If we are parents or grandparents, God has chosen to entrust immortal souls into our care. God has given us spiritual responsibilities with our children who are a higher priority than our spiritual opportunities with our neighbours.

As a pastor and preacher, God has graciously given me many opportunities to share about the gospel and see people repent and trust Christ. None of these conversions came about because of my flowery words or persuasive presentation. The Holy Spirit simply uses His Word and brings people to repentance. I have had the thought, “What if God used my sharing the gospel to lead 1,000 people to repent and trust Christ…but I lost one of my six children?” I am thankful for any fruit God brings about in my public ministry, but my greatest desire is to spend eternity with my wife and children. For many years, I was passionate about making disciples of those in my community and around the world, while I neglected my most important calling, leading my wife and children to know and love God.

God’s plan has been the same from the beginning. He is filling the earth with His worship and He has chosen His temporary institution of the family as an essential component to carry out His plan. In every chapter of the four gospels, except for Mark 4, God refers to family relationships or gives us spiritual truths using a family analogy. There is a divine ordering to our Great Commission ministry in the world.

Other excerpts from the book:

Death in the Ditches

Repentance

Pastoral Repentance

Overwhelmed, Burned-Out, and Discouraged
God's Call To Fathers
Transforming Youth and Children's Ministry

Overwhelmed, Burned-out, and Discouraged from "Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom"

Telling it like it is and not mincing his words, Rob Rienow in his book Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom:

These three words describe many pastors I know. Their days are spent counseling, setting up chairs, answering email, attending strategic planning meetings, preparing to preach, reading about current events and culture, fixing the sound system, visiting the sick, interviewing for a new youth pastor...and that is just the list for Monday.

These pastors frequently tell me about how overwhelmed they are, and at the same time how frustrating it is for them that their congregation is not as "engaged in the mission" as they should be. Sure, there are 20% of the people doing 80% of the work. Thank God for those 20%, but what about those other 80%? How can we get them engaged? How can we get them to volunteer more?

What are pastors to do with all these passive people? We need to work harder. We need to lead better. We need to cast more vision. We need to offer more equipping and training. The pastors need to do more.

But what if the passive congregation is not the result of the church leaders not doing enough, but doing too much?

Remember our basic jurisdictional principle? When larger jurisdictions overstep their bounds, lesser jurisdictions suffer a loss of resources, time, and motivation to do what God created them to do. The lesser jurisdictions usually become less effective in their God-given role of advancing the Gospel and building His Kingdom.

Here is the ugly truth. Many Christians in our churches today are passive because they can be. They don't need to engage in mission, because whether they engage or not, the church leaders will make it happen. I can just show up, sit, and soak, and all these wonderful programs happen anyway! Not only that, I can take pride in being a part of a church that offers such wonderful programs, even though I have no part in making them happen, other than an occasional donation.

The root of the problem is often not that Christians in the church are doing too little, but the leaders in the church are doing too much!

Could it be that our great youth and children's ministries have had the unintended effect of separating parents from their children and decreased the ability of parents to disciple their children at home? Is it possible with all our great intentions of "reaching the youth" and "leading kids to Jesus" we usurped the responsibility of parents to be the primary spiritual trainers of their children in the home? We didn't mean for this to happen, but in many cases we have robbed parents and families of the motivation, time, and resources they needed for their family to function as God intended.

Could it be that our dynamic and "non-threatening" evangelistic events at church have had the unintended consequence of Christian families and Christian individuals not being evangelistic in their own homes and neighborhoods? The evangelistic call to the Christian has changed from "Invite your neighbors into your home. Share your life with them. Pray for God to give you an opportunity to share the Gospel" to "We have an incredible outreach event here at church next month. Pray about who you can invite to church so they can hear the gospel from our special speaker." Is it possible that the more pastors and church leaders focus on running outreach events at church, the less Christians share their faith in their neighborhoods and workplaces?

IT'S NOT JUST PASTORS

Church leaders are not the only ones who are overwhelmed. Remember the 20% of the congregation doing 80% of the work? We usually focus our concern on how to get the 80% motivated and on-board.We need to pay equal attention to the probability that those 20% are just as overwhelmed, burned-out, and discouraged as the pastors are.

These are the ones who "answered the call!" They "stepped-up" to volunteer! They are the ones who are serious about living missional, externally-focused, gospel-driven lives...right? Maybe. Volunteering has become the gold standard for "serious" Christians.

But I have lost track of the number of people who have come to me for counseling because they were giving it all at church, volunteering in a wide range of ministries, yet their marriages were crumbling, and their children were walking away from God. All the wonderful programs of the church, and the pressure to be involved in them, can be a factor in robbing people of the time they need for their most important ministry, their ministry to their own family members.

I'll never forget one particular morning of ministry. At 9:00a.m., I had an appointment with two young men. One was in his late teens, the other in his early twenties. I had known the family for some time, and the young men wanted to meet with me to talk about their struggles in their relationship with their father. To put it bluntly, they were struggling with feelings of hatred for him, and they wanted guidance with how to handle those feelings and develop a better relationship with their dad. It was not an easy meeting, but I admired their willingness to meet with me.

At 10:00a.m., we had a pastoral leadership meeting. A special guest was invited to join us, the father of the young men I had just met with. He had done a great job volunteering in summer outreach ministry and one of the pastors had invited him in to celebrate his good work. I was the only one in the room with the knowledge of what was going on with his sons. Those two hours, back to back, broke my heart. Here was a group of pastors celebrating his impact in the lives of other children in the community, while his own children were struggling in a broken relationship with him. More had become less. I must commend my friend at this point. When he learned about this series of events, he deepened his commitment to reach out to his sons and restore his relationship with them.

When the leaders in a local church do too much, when the church goes beyond its biblical jurisdiction, the church becomes quickly filled with a mix of passive and exhausted Christian families and Christian individuals. When this cycle takes hold churches suffer, families suffer, individuals suffer, and the Gospel is hindered.

Other excerpts from the book:
Death in the Ditches
Repentance
Pastoral Repentance
The Great Commission and The First Commandment
God's Call To Fathers
Transforming Youth and Children's Ministry

Pastoral Repentance from "Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom"

Challenging existing structures and paradigms for how church is run, Rob Rienow in Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom:

For the first decade of my pastoral life, I had little to no understanding about the sufficiency of Scripture as it related to my leadership in the church. During those years, I was a youth pastor, and one of my favourite principles was, "I have an unchanging message in a constantly changing package." In other words, the message of the Gospel is unchanging, but my ministry methods will be constantly changing to meet the changing needs of youth culture. I was quite proud of how missiological this sounded! I felt I could and should do anything to evangelize and disciple the teens in my community.

But there was a terrible problem with this philosophy. When it comes to ministry in the local church, God is not silent on the method. The Bible doesn't say, "Here is the Gospel, get it to children however you want to," Instead, God's Word is filled with His ends and His means. He tells us what He wants and how He wants it done.

Remember that God has spoken to us on four levels in the Bible. I only saw the first two levels of "God's truth" and "God's will." I believed and embraced that the Bible taught God's love and heart for children (God's truth). I believed and embraced that in the Bible God expresses His will that children are to be evangelized and discipled (God's will). But, that was as far as I went. I completely missed His methods and His jurisdictions. I embraced God's ends, but not God's means. I did not understand that He had given the local church responsibility and authority to nurture, bless, and equip the Christian family for spiritual success.

In the Bible God not only tells us His heart to reach children for Christ, but he tells us how He wants it done. If you locked yourself in a room with the Bible and you asked the question, "God, how do you want young people to be evangelized and discipled?" what do you think the answer would be? What method has God given us to raise the next generation for the glory of God?

If you used the Bible and the Bible alone, the answer would be overhwelmingly clear. God created parents and grandparents to be the primary spiritual trainers of their children at home. God created parents and grandparents to shepherd and disciple their children. This is the divine strategy for next generation ministry.

Despite the fact God has spoken so clearly about this in the Bible, I created a youth ministry where parents could drop their kids off with me and the other "professionals" so we could teach them the Bible, equip them for ministry, pray with them, and keep them accountable.

In the same way I had to repent of my lack of following the Bible in my life at home, I had to repent in my professional life at church. When it came to ministry decisions, I was doing things my way, in my wisdom, with my innovation, and through my creativity. I had to repent of the fact I was leading an unbiblical ministry. This is not to say everything I was doing was sinful, but when it came to my youth ministry, I was not allowing the Bible to determine my methods.

I believe that ministering to children and youth is a "good work!" Therefore, I believe in the Bible God has given us everything we need to be successful. Not only is the Bible sufficient for youth ministry, but for every "good work of the church." When we believe this - it changes everything.

- Do you believe the Bible is sufficient for women's ministry in your church?

- Do you believe the Bible is sufficient to direct your church in how you care for the poor?

- Do you believe the Bible is all you need to develop a strategy to minister to singles?

- Do you believe the Bible is sufficient to teach us how we are to worship God?

The easy answer is, "yes!" But how often is the Bible open in your ministry planning sessions? Are your leadership decisions based on what you think will work best, what seems most creative, or what God has specifically said in His Word? Do you seek to make every ministry decision in light of the commands and patterns for the New Testament church? God has spoken clearly and directly about every necessary ministry in His church, but are we listening? More importantly, are we willing to be obedient to what He has said?
Other excerpts from the book:
Death in the Ditches
Repentance
Overwhelmed, Burned-out, and Discouraged
The Great Commission and The First Commandment
God's Call To Fathers
Transforming Youth and Children's Ministry

Repentance from "Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom"

More words of wisdom from Rob Rienow in his book Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom, especially for those of us in ministry:

For many years, I did not follow the simple instructions God gives to fathers... I had been serving as a youth minister for over a decade. If you had asked me at that time what my priorities in life were as a Christian man, I would have responded quickly and with conviction, "My first priority in life is my personal relationship with God, followed by my love relationship with my wife. My kids come next, and my fourth priority is my ministry in church." God, spouse, kids, others.

Not only did I preach about this prioritized Christian life, I lived it. If the phone rang and my boss was on the other line with a crisis, and at the same time the other phone rang and Amy was on the line with a crisis, where would I go? How would I respond? I would go home. In a crisis, I would not put my work ahead of my wife.

Over the course of that summer, the Holy Spirit began to press me with a difficult question. "What are your priorities if there is no crisis?" During a normal week, where did I give the best of my heart, passion, energy, leadership, and vision? When I considered my life in light of that question, I did not like what I saw. I preached the Christian life priorities of God, spouse, kids, and others, but in my everyday life, the order was completely backwards: others, kids, Amy, God. It sounds horrible to say it this way, but my heart was at my job. When I was at work, I was thinking about work. When I was at home, I was thinking about work. This was followed by my relationship with my children. I was not an absent father, physically or emotionally. I tried to spend time with them and connect with them personally. However, I had no plan, whatsoever, to pass my faith on to my children. As a youth pastor, I had tremendous strategic plans to pass my faith on to everyone else's children! But with the immortal souls that God had entrusted to my care... I was just showing up. I gave them my spiritual leftovers after I poured myself out at work.

My next priority was my marriage to Amy. After I gave my best at work and gave the leftovers to the kids, Amy got what few scraps were left. This is not to say that I did not try to spend time with her and do what I could to help around the house, but my heart was not with her first and foremost. I was seen as a strong spiritual leader at my church, while I was providing virtually no spiritual encouragement for my wife.

Because my life was upside down and backwards, I was so far from God...and I didn't even know it. It was a dark summer because I had to admit that the life I thought I was living was a mirage. I was not a man who put my ministry to my wife and children first. God brought me to a place of brokenness and repentance. I confessed and acknowledged the broken state of my life to God and repented to my wife and children. Then God began graciously to rebuild my family on the sufficiency of His Word and His grand purpose for our lives. Now, eight years after the rebuilding began, our family continues to learn, grow, repent, and seek God together.

Other excerpts from the book:

Death in the Ditches

Pastoral Repentance
Overwhelmed, Burned-out, and Discouraged
The Great Commission and The First Commandment
God's Call To Fathers
Transforming Youth and Children's Ministry

Death in the Ditches from "Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom"

Just read in Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom by Rob Rienow:

The doctrine of the sufficiency of Scripture is a narrow path that leads to pleasing God in all things, but there are deep ditches on both sides. These ditches are the detours to sin and death. On one side is the ditch of rebellion, on the other side the ditch of legalism.

I believe the ditch of rebellion is easier to see. Do you remember the warnings from Deuteronomy and from Jesus not to "take away" any words of the Bible? This is a warning against rebellion... When we deliberately think or act contrary to God's revealed will in the Bible, that is rebellion. When we disregard any portion of Scripture, we have begun sliding down the steep slopes of rebellion.

One of the most surprising things I have learned as I have explored the doctrine of the sufficiency of Scripture is that there are more warnings in the Bible against adding to what God has said compared to the warnings against taking away. For whatever reason, the ditch of rebellion seemed like a big, scary one, with the sharp rocks and wolves waiting at the bottom. The other side, the ditch of legalism, was bad, sure, but certainly not as bad as rebellion... Right? Not according to God.

When we take away from God's Word that is rebellion. When we add to God's Word that is legalism... I am convinced that many churches today are filled with legalism, and they don't even know it!

Simply defined, legalism is creating human rules for righteous living, which are not in the Bible, and judging yourself and others by those human rules...

Legalism is not seeking to follow the Bible in every area of thought and life. Legalism is adding human rules and regulations on top of the Bible...

A legalist is not someone who seeks to rightly obey and apply every word of the Bible to his or her life. A legalist is someone who disobeys the Bible by adding to the Bible human rules and regulations for thought, life, and morality, and proceeds to judge themselves and others by these rules. A legalist is not someone who places divine law above all else. A legalist is someone who places human law above all else...

When legalism infects a church, the results are predictable. Leaders become prideful and divisions grow. This is the inevitable result when church decisions are made based on human wisdom, human creativity, and human innovation rather than the revealed Word of God.

Other excerpts from the book:

Repentance

Pastoral Repentance
Overwhelmed, Burned-out, and Discouraged
The Great Commission and The First Commandment
God's Call To Fathers
Transforming Youth and Children's Ministry

"The New Rules For Love, Sex and Dating" by Andy Stanley

This is another book review by my son, Jakin, on The New Rules For Love, Sex and Dating by Andy Stanley. You can also view Andy Stanley's series of four sermons on this topic online (discussion questions are available too).

Yet another book about love, sex and dating. However, this book actually focuses on the “love” more than the “sex” and “dating” combined. Stanley defines love and challenges the reader to not only look for the partner who is loving, but to become the partner who is loving. His main question is “Are you the person the person you’re looking for is looking for?”, implying that self-improvement is the first step to dating even before searching for a suitable partner. Stanley busts many myths that are woven into today’s culture, especially the “Right Person Myth”. This helps the reader acquire a new perspective of what God’s original design for marriage and love is.

There is a very unique chapter in this book, Gentleman’s Club, Chapter 6, that addresses guys specifically. It reveals the human nature that is so evident in most guys and explains why we are so susceptible to sexual sin if left to our childish thinking. Instead of following our “hit her with a club and drag her into your cave” instinct, Stanley instructs guys to develop self-control.

Overall, this book is for anyone who is thinking of dating and has not been given the gift of celibacy. Stanley offers readers a choice to do a yearlong break from dating for those who are serial daters to compose themselves and start again, focusing on developing their own character instead of finding someone else who is perfect. For those who have yet to start, they can also take a yearlong preparation time to do the same. I recommend teens of ages around 14 and up (guys can start earlier) as long as they are mature enough to handle it.

#struggles by Craig Groeschel

What follows is a book review of #struggles: Following Jesus in a Selfie-Centered World by Craig Groeschel by my son, Jakin:

The main focus of this book is on social media. It highlights the issues raised by social media in our time and explains how social media has caused many of us who use it to stray further from God. There are many ways technology has changed our lives, many of which are detrimental, especially how social media connects us to more and more people, yet hinders us from developing true and intimate relationships, replacing them with “followers” or “friends”. The book also describes how we even put these “likes” above our personal relationships (or even our God) because they make us feel good, causing it to become an addiction or an idol.

The best parts of this book are the appendices. Groeschel does not just expose all your flaws and mistakes and leave you there, but he provides suggestions and ideas that allow you to break away from addiction and restore your walk with Christ, as well as guidelines for healthy use of media to keep you safe from many online dangers.

Overall, the book offers a Christ-centred perspective of media and allows us to renew our mind and soften our hearts, while not conforming to the standards of this world. A good read for anyone who owns a smartphone or a social media account or is planning to. Especially good for parents (I wonder why…haha!)

If you would like to read excerpts from the book, check out my earlier posts:

Chapter 1 - Recovering Contentment

Chapter 2 - Restoring Intimacy

Chapter 3 - Revealing Authenticity

#struggles - Revealing Authenticity (Chapter 3)

Excerpts from '#3 Revealing Authenticity' in #struggles: Following Jesus in a Selfie-Centered World by Craig Groeschel:

It's no exaggeration to say we've become a selfie-obsessed culture.

You can take a picture of yourself, and if you need to touch it up a little, you can apply a filter. Most smart phones now have filter tools that let you fix those little problem areas. You can change the color saturation, brighten the image, soften it, or make it black and white. You can even get rid of red-eye and erase that second chin! You can even change the color of your eyes and raise your cheekbones.

We take picture after picture of ourselves until we can get the perfect one, and then we apply a filter, maybe use an app to edit or crop as needed until we get the image just like we want it.

Selfies seem harmless enough, but I'm starting to wonder how our selfie-obsession might be changing how we relate to one another. For example, the more filtered our lives become - the more we show others only the "me" we want them to see - the more difficulty we have being authentic. One recent study links an alarming increase in plastic surgery to patients' desire to get the "perfect selfie."

But you know what the strangest thing is? Our culture keeps telling us that all of this is perfectly acceptable. After you've filtered your picture, you have to take time to create the perfect caption. It has to be clever, but not too clever. While you have to get it just right, you have to make it look like you're not trying too hard. Then you have to choose exactly the right hashtag to achieve maximum impact. After all, you're about to put your filtered self out there so the rest of the world can affirm you.

But before long, you might find yourself wondering whether they would like the real you.

Pictures aren't the only things we're becoming used to controlling, thanks to technology and social media. We have the luxury of sending an article, text, tweet, or email to virtually anyone we want to communicate with. And we can edit and revise as much as we want before we hit send.

The problem, however, is that many of us have filtered our messages so much that we are no longer comfortable with real, unscripted, spontaneous conversation. We've become so used to the luxury of being able to edit the things we say that some of us really struggle when we have to have normal everyday conversations with and in front of real, live human beings. Technology has given us tools that are unprecedented in human history, but an entire generation is growing up uncomfortable in conversations they cannot control.

Today we have the luxury - hard to say whether it's a blessing or a curse - of being able to decide whether we want to answer a call based on factors we can control. We can see a call come in, send it directly to voice mail, wait for the person to finish leaving a message, and then immediately listen to the voice mail or wait until later.

We have even more choices about responding. We can call the person back or not call back. But what do many of us do? Respond with a text message. Why? Because a text lets us stay in control. We don't have to talk - to experience all of that unnecessary anxiety of not knowing where a conversation might go. We don't have to have a "conversation" at all if we don't want to.

We are all filtering and editing our lives, and the more we do, the more difficulty we have being authentic.

BEHIND THE VEIL

I used to think when I read this story (Exodus 34:29-35) that Moses put on the veil to protect the people from the fear-inspiring glory of God on his face. But if we look more closely at the text (2 Cor. 3:13), we see that he used the veil not to protect the people but to keep them from seeing that the glory was fading. Even Moses, after seeing the glory of God, didn't want others to know he was losing the image.

Paul then makes a comparison (2 Cor.3:14-16). When the old covenant was read, the Jewish people who didn't believe could not see the truth. Why? Because their unbelief blinded them like a veil. But anyone who turns to Christ understands the truth, because he removes this veil and reveals God's glory.

You might wonder how this passage applies to us today. Well, most of us put on a veil of some kind or another to hid the truth about ourselves. We've become skilled at filtering our lives, showing others only what we want them to see. This is similar to what Paul implies Moses did; he hid from the people the fact that God's glory was fading away.

This tendency is part of our sinful nature. When we're insecure, when we don't feel good about ourselves, and perhaps most of all when we sin, instead of confessing, which would set us free and heal us, we tend to hide, to put on a veil, to filter our lives.

So how can we find the courage to remove our veils, reveal the truth about ourselves, and experience the freedom to be ourselves? Paul tells us, "Whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away" (2 Cor. 3:16-18). We can't do this by ourselves. Only Christ can take away the veil.

THE QUIET GAME

That sort of raises the question, "So, Craig, are you saying that we should always be only 100 percent honest and show everything we do on social media?" Yes and no. Yes, we should always try to be honest. But no, we should not show everything on social media. I like Beth Moore's perspective: "Be authentic with all. Transparent with most. And intimate with some."

Here's the bottom line: Everything you say must be true, but not everything true should be said. If I post something, it must be the truth, but we don't need to share everything on social media. Some people are oversharers. You know some, right? They say too much, and you want to tell them to "shutteth thine trap." Not everybody wants to know all of your feelings about every person you know.

So yes, we should remove our veils and tell the truth. But social media is not the place to bare all! Be yourself, but don't feel like you have to share everything you're feeling. Being authentic is not about being brutally honest and confrontational about everything on your mind. But by all means - at the right time, with the right people, and when you're face to face - drop the veil completely. If you don't, you'll always be longing for something more.

When you put on the veil and post something hoping for more Likes, hoping for affirmation, even if you receive it, you're still going to feel empty because you're not being real with people about yourself. But the place to be vulnerable is where God wants you to be vulnerable: in the context of private, life-giving, healthy, God-honoring relationship.

Notice this (2 Cor. 3:14-15): a veil that first covers the face eventually covers the heart. It begins as just a superficial covering, a temporary attempt to cover up a problem rather than addressing it head-on. But left unchecked, the hidden problem will become a serious spiritual condition.

SURRENDER YOUR SELFIES

You may be acting the part and playing the role, but in your heart of hearts, you know you're not the person you present to the world.

The danger is that we can become so used to showing our filtered self, so accustomed to the half-truths and exaggerations, that we don't even know who our real self is anymore. Until you show who you really are, until you know and are fully known, you're going to be longing for something more.

When we're always filtered, when every selfie shows only our best side, we may impress some people some of the time. But you're not connecting with them. They're not connecting with you. We want so badly to connect with others, and we think the best way to do so is by showing off our strengths. But it doesn't work that way.

We actually connect with people through our weaknesses. We may impress them with our strengths, but we connect through our weaknesses.

I can give you the solution to the problems in this entire chapter with one simple phrase: only Christ can remove the veil.

When we turn to Christ, he removes the veil.

Maybe you're exhausted. You're weary because you've already tried everything else you can think of. You've looked everywhere you can for affirmation. You've turned to one person after another, but you still haven't found that thing you're longing for. This is the promise you have from God, straight from his Word: You don't have to remove the veil. When you turn to Christ, he does it for you!

Then you can finally drop the mask because you're not getting your approval from Likes; you're getting it from his love. You will no longer be living for the approval of people; you will be living from the approval of God. He will reveal the truth: you are acceptable to God through Jesus. You are the righteousness of God in Christ. His grace, his righteousness, is sufficient for you.

When you realise that Christ is all you have, you'll also find that he's all you need. You don't need approval from someone else because you have approval from Christ. When you turn to Jesus, you have the same Spirit that raised him from the dead living within you. Your identity is not connected how many followers you can get. Your identity comes from who you are following, and you are following Jesus.

When we all let the veils fall - because our lives are better when we're together, when we act as the body of Christ, when we allow each other to see the "real" us - we will truly see the Lord's glory.

Why? Because it's not about you and me. It's not about our selfies. The reason we exist is to give him glory. When we do, this Scripture (2 Cor. 3:17-18) says we will begin to be transformed - not into the person we think others want to be but into his image, bringing every-increasing glory.

He'll transform you into the image of Christ, not for approval of people but for the glory of God. We're not called to elevate yourselves (John 3:30); we're called to deny ourselves and follow him (Luke 9:23-24). The way to follow Jesus in a selfie-centered world is to give him glory in all that we do.

Surrender your selfies.

Let Jesus lift your veil.

Excerpts from other chapters in the book:
Chapter 1 - Recovering Contentment
Chapter 2 - Restoring Intimacy

#struggles - Restoring Intimacy (Chapter 2)

Excerpts from '#2 Restoring Intimacy' in #struggles: Following Jesus in a Selfie-Centered World by Craig Groeschel:

It's important to consider not just what Jesus said but even what he didn't say (John 13:34-35). Notice he said that "everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Jesus didn't say "everyone will know that you are my disciples if you have perfect theology." Certainly good theology is important, but it's not how the world will be able to see that we follow Christ.

Jesus didn't say "everyone will know that you are my disciples if you attend church regularly." Does that mean we don't need to go to church? Of course not! We're supposed to spend time together to encourage each other in the things of God (Heb. 10:24-25). But going to church isn't what shows the world that we follow Jesus either.

The way they will know we are his disciples - according to Jesus - is how we love one another. He set the example for us himself by washing his disciples' feet, an act of absolute humility. We should treat one another in ways that show that the sacrificial love of Jesus lives inside our hearts. That's how the world will know that we are his disciples.

And that's how we will know if technology is in its proper place in our lives: by how well we love one another. It's hard to wash someone's feet with a phone in your hand.

So be honest with yourself as you listen for God's voice. Are you sending emails when phone calls would be more meaningful? Are you typing a quick text when a personal visit would deeply impact a loved one? Have you intentionally neglected to use your gifts to serve others because you are hoping others' Likes will serve your need to be noticed? When was the last time you actually snail-mailed a handwritten birthday card or thank-you note instead of simply texting because it was easier?

Jesus has something better for us. Maybe it's time to put down the device and pick up a towel to serve.

NICE TO MEET YOU

I can't speak for you, but to be really honest, I have to admit that the more I dabble on social media, the more I realize I'm delaying the personal interaction I crave. I have also never been more connected and yet felt so alone.

The author of Hebrews wrote, "And let us not neglect commenting on one another's posts." Oh, wait, wait... I'm sorry. I totally messed that up.

No! He writes, "And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another" (Heb. 10:25 NLT).

Really let that sink in: "Let us not neglect our meeting together."

"Let us not neglect our meeting together."

"Let us not neglect our meeting together."

Have we fallen out of this practice?

PRESENT PERFECT

Actually get together with people. Be physically present with one another. Not digitally. Not virtually. Not just in a group text, but in the same living room. Make the time to love people face to face, not just keyboard to keyboard. If you want to get really crazy, don't set a time limit on how long you'll hang out or what you'll discuss. In other words, just be with someone (not in the biblical sense, well, not unless you're married.)

You know that device you use to text with? It might be hard to remember, but what's something else you can do with that device? That's right! You can actually talk on that thing. It's a lot harder, but maybe you could scroll through your contacts, find that person, tap their number, and call them on the phone.

As they answer, you will actually be able to listen to what they're saying. You can hear the words and listen to the tone in their voice, which will also be communicating something. You might even ask if you can pray with your friend, right there over the phone. Then based on what they tell you, you can ask them a few more questions. I can promise you that a person-to-person conversation can go to amazing places that texting back and forth will not go.

What's another way you can show love? You can actually go see them. Just sit down with your friend, face to face. Ask a few questions, and then just listen. If it seems appropriate, maybe put your hand on their shoulder. Maybe even hold hands across the table and pray with them.

Presence is powerful.

GET ENGAGED

Be emotionally engaged too. Don't just be present; be all there.

Engage deeply. Go all in. Make sure that the person you're with is the most important person in the world when you're together.

We've either seen, or if we're honest, we'll admit we've been, that family in the restaurant with each member glued to their phone or tablet - texting, gaming, emailing, surfing, whatever. We're losing the ability to relate to one another in natural ways.

We've become so used to interrupting normal, healthy communication with other activities and human beings that we somehow think this is okay. We're face-to-face with someone who matters to us, but instead of being with them the entire time, we're somewhere else virtually, digitally, electronically.

We're present, but we're not there.

MISSING PERSONS

Don't assume that I just don't understand or appreciate our world of tech. Hey, I have a smart phone too. And I'm just like you. Every time it buzzes, whistles, chirps, beeps, or dings, something in me can't help wondering, "Oooh. What was that? I wonder if it's something important. Who sent me something? I must know this instant."

Have you heard of FOMO? It's a thing. I read recently that FOMO was added to the latest edition of a popular English-language dictionary. FOMO is an acronym for Fear of Missing Out. It was coined for an entire generation of people who are constantly worried they're going to miss something.

Ask yourself this question: at the end of your life, is it really going to matter how many Likes you got? Do you honestly believe you're going to be lying on your deathbed one day thinking to yourself, "If I had gotten just three more Likes on that picture I posted of that weird tomato back in '15, I would have made an even hundred. One hundred Likes. Triple-digit Likes. Ooh, life would have been so good. #ICanDieHappy #RIPme."

Life is not about how many Likes you get. It is all about how much love you show. The only way people will know that you are a follower of Jesus is by how well you love people.

Instead of FOMO online, what you really should be afraid of is missing out on the people in front of you. You may be missing out on your children growing up. You may be missing out on enjoying an intimate marriage. You may be missing out on deep friendships filled with meaning. Is your fear that you're going to miss out on something causing you to miss out on what matters most?

Don't just pray for people. Pray with them.

Don't just Like what they post. Like who they are.

Get involved in one another's lives.

Others won't know you by your Likes.

They will know you by his love.

Excerpts from other chapters in the book:

Chapter 1 - Recovering Contentment

Chapter 3 - Revealing Authenticity