"The New Rules For Love, Sex and Dating" by Andy Stanley

This is another book review by my son, Jakin, on The New Rules For Love, Sex and Dating by Andy Stanley. You can also view Andy Stanley's series of four sermons on this topic online (discussion questions are available too).

Yet another book about love, sex and dating. However, this book actually focuses on the “love” more than the “sex” and “dating” combined. Stanley defines love and challenges the reader to not only look for the partner who is loving, but to become the partner who is loving. His main question is “Are you the person the person you’re looking for is looking for?”, implying that self-improvement is the first step to dating even before searching for a suitable partner. Stanley busts many myths that are woven into today’s culture, especially the “Right Person Myth”. This helps the reader acquire a new perspective of what God’s original design for marriage and love is.

There is a very unique chapter in this book, Gentleman’s Club, Chapter 6, that addresses guys specifically. It reveals the human nature that is so evident in most guys and explains why we are so susceptible to sexual sin if left to our childish thinking. Instead of following our “hit her with a club and drag her into your cave” instinct, Stanley instructs guys to develop self-control.

Overall, this book is for anyone who is thinking of dating and has not been given the gift of celibacy. Stanley offers readers a choice to do a yearlong break from dating for those who are serial daters to compose themselves and start again, focusing on developing their own character instead of finding someone else who is perfect. For those who have yet to start, they can also take a yearlong preparation time to do the same. I recommend teens of ages around 14 and up (guys can start earlier) as long as they are mature enough to handle it.

La La Land - comedy of errors

So apparently La La Land is supposed to be a romantic comedy, but the only time it made me laugh was when I heard about the fiasco at the Oscars. In fact, I was cringing throughout the whole movie and I kept screaming (in my head),"There are so many talented actors and actresses who can actually sing and dance (like those in the opening sequence), why did they have to choose these two?!?!" Well, the answer's pretty obvious, isn't it? They needed these pretty faces with BIG NAMES to sell the show! But if that was all there is to it, then I wouldn't be offended. The real problem was that they were also trying to sell something else!

Various other writers have already said their piece about the movie: here, here and here. So I'm not going to repeat the same points. I'm just going to unload my own grouse about it. I am offended because the film tries to sell us real art (authentic, unadulterated jazz and improv theatre) using the vehicle of a banal musical-wannabe where neither is the music soulful nor the acting convincing. To me, that is as offensive as trying to sell golf using sex. True art does not need a patronising nod from the commercial, shallow world of entertainment to prove its value.

I'm also offended because it sells the idea that living (and consequently sleeping) together is to be expected once you fall in love. There was no discussion or hesitation, no questions asked! You love each other, so you live together, then you can conveniently have sex whenever you want. But I must be fair, La La Land isn't the only movie that promotes this way of thinking. It's only one in a whole plethora of films and stories that are changing cultural norms for the worse (in my opinion).

Finally, I'm offended that it sells the idea that breaking up is easy to do. It's never easy and always painful, even years and sometimes decades later. It sets the stage for young people who launch into relationships without thinking of the possible consequences, when they should be thinking twice about whether they are ready for long-term commitment and whether the potential partner is the right one for them. (I've written about being equally yoked some time back.)

Ok, that's enough complaining for now. All this is giving me indigestion but I'm glad I got it out and hopefully I don't have to keep brooding on it anymore.