La La Land - comedy of errors

So apparently La La Land is supposed to be a romantic comedy, but the only time it made me laugh was when I heard about the fiasco at the Oscars. In fact, I was cringing throughout the whole movie and I kept screaming (in my head),"There are so many talented actors and actresses who can actually sing and dance (like those in the opening sequence), why did they have to choose these two?!?!" Well, the answer's pretty obvious, isn't it? They needed these pretty faces with BIG NAMES to sell the show! But if that was all there is to it, then I wouldn't be offended. The real problem was that they were also trying to sell something else!

Various other writers have already said their piece about the movie: here, here and here. So I'm not going to repeat the same points. I'm just going to unload my own grouse about it. I am offended because the film tries to sell us real art (authentic, unadulterated jazz and improv theatre) using the vehicle of a banal musical-wannabe where neither is the music soulful nor the acting convincing. To me, that is as offensive as trying to sell golf using sex. True art does not need a patronising nod from the commercial, shallow world of entertainment to prove its value.

I'm also offended because it sells the idea that living (and consequently sleeping) together is to be expected once you fall in love. There was no discussion or hesitation, no questions asked! You love each other, so you live together, then you can conveniently have sex whenever you want. But I must be fair, La La Land isn't the only movie that promotes this way of thinking. It's only one in a whole plethora of films and stories that are changing cultural norms for the worse (in my opinion).

Finally, I'm offended that it sells the idea that breaking up is easy to do. It's never easy and always painful, even years and sometimes decades later. It sets the stage for young people who launch into relationships without thinking of the possible consequences, when they should be thinking twice about whether they are ready for long-term commitment and whether the potential partner is the right one for them. (I've written about being equally yoked some time back.)

Ok, that's enough complaining for now. All this is giving me indigestion but I'm glad I got it out and hopefully I don't have to keep brooding on it anymore.

Dating & Divorce - a tip from the Brangelina breakup

Actually, I had been brooding on this thought for quite a while - probably a few months already! - but with some of the recent articles floating around online on dating, marriage, affairs, and divorce, I just had to voice my view. 

So, I'm sure most of you have read or heard about the Brangelina breakup. Well, I did too, no matter how hard I try to avoid reading about Hollywood scandals and all. But I did come across a rather interesting article on the topic. It refers to a study which revealed that "second marriages... have a higher rate of divorce, as do marriages that come out of affairs." And the psychotherapist being interviewed explained, “If someone has been capable of being disrespectful and dishonest with someone they cared about in the past, there is a possibility they can do that to you. Anyone can cheat, but this is a bigger risk.” I also read recently about how, sadly, the divorce rate in Singapore has risen.

So here's my two cents' worth! The thing is, when young people are dating, they will say or write stuff to each other like, "I will always love you!" or "I'm yours forever!" or "You can count on me!" etc etc... And although there isn't any formal contract, unlike in a marriage, such verbal and written promises they make are still promises that ought to be kept. But of course, most of these become empty promises when they break up. So the more they pair up and break up, the more 'practice' they have in making and then not keeping their promises. Later, when they get married, doesn't it then become much more likely for them to break their promise to each other since it's become a habit? After all, the marriage license is merely a piece of paper and can be easily annulled through divorce. It takes commitment on both sides to keep their vows in order for them to stay married for life. Therefore, in the same way that a history of extra-marital affairs points to a higher rate of divorce, I feel strongly that a culture of casual dating also leads to the same.

That's why I was quite surprised when I read the bad press on Joshua Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I'm not out to defend his book cos I'm not 100% convinced about everything he wrote in it either. But I do believe the general principle that one should wait till you are ready for marriage to embark on dating/courtship (or whatever you call it) rather than for teens to start dating casually is wise advice. There are many reasons for me to say so, but one of them is that just by postponing dating to a slightly older and more mature age means that you will (hopefully) be less likely to make empty promises. You would also have less 'practice' in breaking your promises since you would probably have been involved in fewer break ups. And as a result, when you do find someone whom you are happy to marry, you would not have formed the bad habit of breaking your promises and would thus have a lower risk of ending in divorce.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that this is a foolproof method for zero divorce. There's no guarantee in human relationships as we're all imperfect. [Just an aside - that's why I think it's really naive and unfair of some of Joshua Harris' adherents-turned-critics to blame him for their divorces!] I'm also not saying that someone who's been through many relationships and breakups wouldn't be able to sustain a lifelong marriage. There are (thankfully) always exceptions to everything and of course, there is also God's grace at work in our lives! My hope is just that young people will seriously consider and re-consider before jumping into any dating relationships and think twice, even thrice, before they start making promises to each other. In this way, you would be more careful about keeping your promises in general and that would help you in building a lasting marriage in future.