Mizuhiki Wedding Flowers - Love Bears All

These camellias are made with three strands each, expressing one of the most-quoted verses at weddings: Ecclesiastes 4:12.

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

The two flowers are different but are intertwined and have become one, just as bride and groom are joined together through the marriage union: Mark 10:7-9.

'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.

Camellias symbolise both "love" and "a noble death" in Japan, where the art of mizuhiki (knot tying) originates. Therefore they remind husband and wife to love each with the same sacrificial love that Christ has for us: John 15:13.

There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

Finally, the hanging grapes on the envelope tell the married couple to, "Be fruitful and multiply!" (Genesis 1:28).

Other mizuhiki creations explained:

1. Mizuhiki Butterfly and Thai Line Art

2. More Mizuhiki - You Are Precious!

Chasing after 'Happily ever after' [SPOILER ALERT!]

Recently, My Roommate is a Gumiho seems to be doing well in the ratings and keeps popping up in my newsfeed. But I prefer to start watching a series only after it's been completed so instead, I checked out an older one with a similar title and character, My Girlfriend is a Gumiho. 

It's a pretty simple setup where the female gumiho (Shin Min-Ah) and male human (Lee Seung-Gi) fall in love but find out that only one of them can live. It becomes apparent quite soon that the non-human character will be the one to sacrifice herself in order for her beloved to live. How do we know that? It's because the gumiho is led to read the story of Hans Christian Andersen's The Little Mermaid with the original ending, where the mermaid would rather die and turn into foam than kill her beloved prince. 

That immediately reminded me of Angel's Last Mission: Love which I had written about before. The Little Mermaid was also used in the drama as analogous to the angel's impending disappearance from the world. However, both of these series culminate in happy endings where the couples' selfless love for each other move the respective deities so much that rules are bent and the supernatural beings can return to be reunited with their human lovers.

So the writers chose to go the way of Disney's The Little Mermaid after all. And it seems like that's what the audience wants too. In those series which don't end with 'happily ever after', like Cheese in the Trap and The Third Charm (both happen to feature Seo Kang-Joon - perhaps he has a penchant for choosing unconventional scripts...), the poor ratings and negative reviews tell it all! 

   

Even in shows that try to inject a little more realism and portray the challenges faced by lovey-dovey couples after they get married, such as Like a Fairytale and My Love, My Bride (with Shin Min-Ah again), the convoluted plots somehow still manage to twist and turn into a happy ending. Is this an indication that we are all chasing after that elusive 'happily ever after' in every story? 

And is it a reflection of a deep-seated desire for a happy ending for ourselves in real life too? Could it be that we were made to pursue this? Maybe we have been programmed from creation to look forward to a final ending that is beautiful and triumphant?

Just like how K-drama writers are inspired to wind their tumultuous storylines into satisfactorily positive conclusions, the greatest story ever told also predicts that there will be a joyous outcome to all the troubles we face in this world. If you'd like to know how it will ultimately end, and how to acquire that 'happily ever after' for yourself, just check the Bible for the biggest spoiler alert ever!

"She Would Never Know" (aka "Sunbae, Don't Put On That Lipstick") - some thoughts [SPOILER ALERT]

I have to confess that I only started watching She Would Never Know because of Rowoon. His character in Extraordinary You (which I have an overdue post about, will try to get it done soon!) offered very little scope for him to show his acting skills. So I was curious to know how well (or badly) he would do in the leading role of Chae Hyun-Seung in his latest drama. But as I got into the plot, I became drawn in by the side story of his older sister Chae Yeon-Seung (Ha Yoon-Kyung) and her husband Kang Woo-Hyun (Lee Dong-Ha). 

Some of you may already have read the countless reviews and comments that celebrate the victory of how a same-sex attracted Woo-Hyun found his true identity and was liberated to pursue his deepest desires (for a same-sex relationship). And many of these writers even commend Yeon-Seung for being so supportive and understanding.

Honestly, I find such a narrative extremely disturbing as it is perpetuating the lies that have permeated popular media and culture, and are gradually seeping into mainstream society here in Asia.

Lie #1: Sex is everything!

That's what popular media tells us - if the sex is great, then the relationship must be good. And conversely, if there's no sex (or very little of it) in the relationship, then there's nothing worth saving.

Well, after being married for almost 25 years, I can tell you that sex is NOT everything in a marriage relationship! There are so many times and seasons in a marriage where sex hardly features at all, like when you're having a baby, or feeling sick, or drained after a day of work and running after the kids, and of course there's always that one week or so each month where sex is off-limits.

If sex were everything, then no marriage would be able to survive all these sexless times and periods (pun intended). But the fact that marriages have lasted and even become stronger only goes to show that the husband and wife relationship is based on so much more than just sex.

Trust, open communications, love and care for each other, supporting each other through tough times, partnership in building the family, and more. These are the qualities that help to strengthen a marriage and they are also the indicators of whether the relationship will survive and we can grow old (when sex drive is almost zilch) together till death do us part.

In fact, Yeon-Seung and Woo-Hyun had all these in their relationship even though Woo-Hyun wasn't physically attracted to her. After all, she was the one who helped him to come to terms with and accept his own sexual orientation. Contrastingly, Woo-Hyun's relationship with the man who had awakened his same-sex attraction, Chef Ryu Han-Seo (Choi Jung-Won), had none of these factors. So his relationship with his wife was much healthier than the one he had with his former lover.

Lie #2: Same-sex attraction trumps everything else!

Nowadays, if we do not allow someone with same-sex attraction to fulfil their sexual desires, we are labelled as bigots. And it has reached the extent where the same-sex attracted person should be allowed to ignore all other responsibilities and commitments, otherwise we would be seen as bullies trying to repress their sexuality and identity.

Again, we need to understand that we are not defined solely by our sexual identity. There's so much more to a person than their sexuality! And that includes the roles and responsibilities we each bear in our families, workplaces and society at large. So for instance if you're married, it would be adulterous to have a sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse.

In Woo-Hyun's case, he decided to divorce Yeon-Seung in order to pursue his same-sex desires. If he were not same-sex attracted and had left his wife to pursue another woman because he is no longer attracted to his wife, he would be condemned as being unfaithful. So it doesn't make sense that just because he's same-sex attracted, then his infidelity is justified. He had married Yeon-Seung willingly and without coercion, so he should be expected to fulfil the lifetime commitment that he had made, regardless of whether his sexual desires are for another man or woman.

Lie #3: The kids will get over the divorce.

Moreover as a father to a young child, Woo-Hyun also has to bear the responsibility for his daughter’s welfare. And divorce is never good for the kids! They won't ever get over it either. The destructive ramifications of divorce are life-long. 

The saddest part about all this is that the kids are often too young to be able to express the hurt and pain that they experience. I just read a well-written sharing by an adult of her difficult journey through her parents' divorce and the growing up years, and even through to adulthood.

I was particularly struck by what she said here:

The parents are supposed to be the ones who sacrifice and accommodate in order to support their children, not the other way around! The world has pretty much turned upside-down. Such warped values which promote the selfish pursuit of one's own happiness above fulfilling parental responsibilities are resulting in an entire generation of damaged, orphaned souls. 

Anyway, this has turned out to be a much longer rant than I had imagined. So let's be aware of the lies that are being reinforced when we consume popular media so we don't get sucked in or worse, even start living them out in our own lives.

If you're interested, here's an earlier post on the Brangelina divorce.

Repentance from "Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom"

More words of wisdom from Rob Rienow in his book Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom, especially for those of us in ministry:

For many years, I did not follow the simple instructions God gives to fathers... I had been serving as a youth minister for over a decade. If you had asked me at that time what my priorities in life were as a Christian man, I would have responded quickly and with conviction, "My first priority in life is my personal relationship with God, followed by my love relationship with my wife. My kids come next, and my fourth priority is my ministry in church." God, spouse, kids, others.

Not only did I preach about this prioritized Christian life, I lived it. If the phone rang and my boss was on the other line with a crisis, and at the same time the other phone rang and Amy was on the line with a crisis, where would I go? How would I respond? I would go home. In a crisis, I would not put my work ahead of my wife.

Over the course of that summer, the Holy Spirit began to press me with a difficult question. "What are your priorities if there is no crisis?" During a normal week, where did I give the best of my heart, passion, energy, leadership, and vision? When I considered my life in light of that question, I did not like what I saw. I preached the Christian life priorities of God, spouse, kids, and others, but in my everyday life, the order was completely backwards: others, kids, Amy, God. It sounds horrible to say it this way, but my heart was at my job. When I was at work, I was thinking about work. When I was at home, I was thinking about work. This was followed by my relationship with my children. I was not an absent father, physically or emotionally. I tried to spend time with them and connect with them personally. However, I had no plan, whatsoever, to pass my faith on to my children. As a youth pastor, I had tremendous strategic plans to pass my faith on to everyone else's children! But with the immortal souls that God had entrusted to my care... I was just showing up. I gave them my spiritual leftovers after I poured myself out at work.

My next priority was my marriage to Amy. After I gave my best at work and gave the leftovers to the kids, Amy got what few scraps were left. This is not to say that I did not try to spend time with her and do what I could to help around the house, but my heart was not with her first and foremost. I was seen as a strong spiritual leader at my church, while I was providing virtually no spiritual encouragement for my wife.

Because my life was upside down and backwards, I was so far from God...and I didn't even know it. It was a dark summer because I had to admit that the life I thought I was living was a mirage. I was not a man who put my ministry to my wife and children first. God brought me to a place of brokenness and repentance. I confessed and acknowledged the broken state of my life to God and repented to my wife and children. Then God began graciously to rebuild my family on the sufficiency of His Word and His grand purpose for our lives. Now, eight years after the rebuilding began, our family continues to learn, grow, repent, and seek God together.

Other excerpts from the book:

Death in the Ditches

Pastoral Repentance
Overwhelmed, Burned-out, and Discouraged
The Great Commission and The First Commandment
God's Call To Fathers
Transforming Youth and Children's Ministry

"The New Rules For Love, Sex and Dating" by Andy Stanley

This is another book review by my son, Jakin, on The New Rules For Love, Sex and Dating by Andy Stanley. You can also view Andy Stanley's series of four sermons on this topic online (discussion questions are available too).

Yet another book about love, sex and dating. However, this book actually focuses on the “love” more than the “sex” and “dating” combined. Stanley defines love and challenges the reader to not only look for the partner who is loving, but to become the partner who is loving. His main question is “Are you the person the person you’re looking for is looking for?”, implying that self-improvement is the first step to dating even before searching for a suitable partner. Stanley busts many myths that are woven into today’s culture, especially the “Right Person Myth”. This helps the reader acquire a new perspective of what God’s original design for marriage and love is.

There is a very unique chapter in this book, Gentleman’s Club, Chapter 6, that addresses guys specifically. It reveals the human nature that is so evident in most guys and explains why we are so susceptible to sexual sin if left to our childish thinking. Instead of following our “hit her with a club and drag her into your cave” instinct, Stanley instructs guys to develop self-control.

Overall, this book is for anyone who is thinking of dating and has not been given the gift of celibacy. Stanley offers readers a choice to do a yearlong break from dating for those who are serial daters to compose themselves and start again, focusing on developing their own character instead of finding someone else who is perfect. For those who have yet to start, they can also take a yearlong preparation time to do the same. I recommend teens of ages around 14 and up (guys can start earlier) as long as they are mature enough to handle it.

Dating & Divorce - a tip from the Brangelina breakup

Actually, I had been brooding on this thought for quite a while - probably a few months already! - but with some of the recent articles floating around online on dating, marriage, affairs, and divorce, I just had to voice my view. 

So, I'm sure most of you have read or heard about the Brangelina breakup. Well, I did too, no matter how hard I try to avoid reading about Hollywood scandals and all. But I did come across a rather interesting article on the topic. It refers to a study which revealed that "second marriages... have a higher rate of divorce, as do marriages that come out of affairs." And the psychotherapist being interviewed explained, “If someone has been capable of being disrespectful and dishonest with someone they cared about in the past, there is a possibility they can do that to you. Anyone can cheat, but this is a bigger risk.” I also read recently about how, sadly, the divorce rate in Singapore has risen.

So here's my two cents' worth! The thing is, when young people are dating, they will say or write stuff to each other like, "I will always love you!" or "I'm yours forever!" or "You can count on me!" etc etc... And although there isn't any formal contract, unlike in a marriage, such verbal and written promises they make are still promises that ought to be kept. But of course, most of these become empty promises when they break up. So the more they pair up and break up, the more 'practice' they have in making and then not keeping their promises. Later, when they get married, doesn't it then become much more likely for them to break their promise to each other since it's become a habit? After all, the marriage license is merely a piece of paper and can be easily annulled through divorce. It takes commitment on both sides to keep their vows in order for them to stay married for life. Therefore, in the same way that a history of extra-marital affairs points to a higher rate of divorce, I feel strongly that a culture of casual dating also leads to the same.

That's why I was quite surprised when I read the bad press on Joshua Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I'm not out to defend his book cos I'm not 100% convinced about everything he wrote in it either. But I do believe the general principle that one should wait till you are ready for marriage to embark on dating/courtship (or whatever you call it) rather than for teens to start dating casually is wise advice. There are many reasons for me to say so, but one of them is that just by postponing dating to a slightly older and more mature age means that you will (hopefully) be less likely to make empty promises. You would also have less 'practice' in breaking your promises since you would probably have been involved in fewer break ups. And as a result, when you do find someone whom you are happy to marry, you would not have formed the bad habit of breaking your promises and would thus have a lower risk of ending in divorce.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that this is a foolproof method for zero divorce. There's no guarantee in human relationships as we're all imperfect. [Just an aside - that's why I think it's really naive and unfair of some of Joshua Harris' adherents-turned-critics to blame him for their divorces!] I'm also not saying that someone who's been through many relationships and breakups wouldn't be able to sustain a lifelong marriage. There are (thankfully) always exceptions to everything and of course, there is also God's grace at work in our lives! My hope is just that young people will seriously consider and re-consider before jumping into any dating relationships and think twice, even thrice, before they start making promises to each other. In this way, you would be more careful about keeping your promises in general and that would help you in building a lasting marriage in future.