"She Would Never Know" (aka "Sunbae, Don't Put On That Lipstick") - some thoughts [SPOILER ALERT]

I have to confess that I only started watching She Would Never Know because of Rowoon. His character in Extraordinary You (which I have an overdue post about, will try to get it done soon!) offered very little scope for him to show his acting skills. So I was curious to know how well (or badly) he would do in the leading role of Chae Hyun-Seung in his latest drama. But as I got into the plot, I became drawn in by the side story of his older sister Chae Yeon-Seung (Ha Yoon-Kyung) and her husband Kang Woo-Hyun (Lee Dong-Ha). 

Some of you may already have read the countless reviews and comments that celebrate the victory of how a same-sex attracted Woo-Hyun found his true identity and was liberated to pursue his deepest desires (for a same-sex relationship). And many of these writers even commend Yeon-Seung for being so supportive and understanding.

Honestly, I find such a narrative extremely disturbing as it is perpetuating the lies that have permeated popular media and culture, and are gradually seeping into mainstream society here in Asia.

Lie #1: Sex is everything!

That's what popular media tells us - if the sex is great, then the relationship must be good. And conversely, if there's no sex (or very little of it) in the relationship, then there's nothing worth saving.

Well, after being married for almost 25 years, I can tell you that sex is NOT everything in a marriage relationship! There are so many times and seasons in a marriage where sex hardly features at all, like when you're having a baby, or feeling sick, or drained after a day of work and running after the kids, and of course there's always that one week or so each month where sex is off-limits.

If sex were everything, then no marriage would be able to survive all these sexless times and periods (pun intended). But the fact that marriages have lasted and even become stronger only goes to show that the husband and wife relationship is based on so much more than just sex.

Trust, open communications, love and care for each other, supporting each other through tough times, partnership in building the family, and more. These are the qualities that help to strengthen a marriage and they are also the indicators of whether the relationship will survive and we can grow old (when sex drive is almost zilch) together till death do us part.

In fact, Yeon-Seung and Woo-Hyun had all these in their relationship even though Woo-Hyun wasn't physically attracted to her. After all, she was the one who helped him to come to terms with and accept his own sexual orientation. Contrastingly, Woo-Hyun's relationship with the man who had awakened his same-sex attraction, Chef Ryu Han-Seo (Choi Jung-Won), had none of these factors. So his relationship with his wife was much healthier than the one he had with his former lover.

Lie #2: Same-sex attraction trumps everything else!

Nowadays, if we do not allow someone with same-sex attraction to fulfil their sexual desires, we are labelled as bigots. And it has reached the extent where the same-sex attracted person should be allowed to ignore all other responsibilities and commitments, otherwise we would be seen as bullies trying to repress their sexuality and identity.

Again, we need to understand that we are not defined solely by our sexual identity. There's so much more to a person than their sexuality! And that includes the roles and responsibilities we each bear in our families, workplaces and society at large. So for instance if you're married, it would be adulterous to have a sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse.

In Woo-Hyun's case, he decided to divorce Yeon-Seung in order to pursue his same-sex desires. If he were not same-sex attracted and had left his wife to pursue another woman because he is no longer attracted to his wife, he would be condemned as being unfaithful. So it doesn't make sense that just because he's same-sex attracted, then his infidelity is justified. He had married Yeon-Seung willingly and without coercion, so he should be expected to fulfil the lifetime commitment that he had made, regardless of whether his sexual desires are for another man or woman.

Lie #3: The kids will get over the divorce.

Moreover as a father to a young child, Woo-Hyun also has to bear the responsibility for his daughter’s welfare. And divorce is never good for the kids! They won't ever get over it either. The destructive ramifications of divorce are life-long. 

The saddest part about all this is that the kids are often too young to be able to express the hurt and pain that they experience. I just read a well-written sharing by an adult of her difficult journey through her parents' divorce and the growing up years, and even through to adulthood.

I was particularly struck by what she said here:

The parents are supposed to be the ones who sacrifice and accommodate in order to support their children, not the other way around! The world has pretty much turned upside-down. Such warped values which promote the selfish pursuit of one's own happiness above fulfilling parental responsibilities are resulting in an entire generation of damaged, orphaned souls. 

Anyway, this has turned out to be a much longer rant than I had imagined. So let's be aware of the lies that are being reinforced when we consume popular media so we don't get sucked in or worse, even start living them out in our own lives.

If you're interested, here's an earlier post on the Brangelina divorce.

Pain and Suffering - a Park Hyung Sik special

Confession: I fell in love with PHS' acting in Strong Woman DBS, which I wrote about some time ago and have been following his dramas ever since. (If you'd like to see more of his superb acting skills, make sure you catch Juror 8 and Two Lights: Relúmĭno too!!)

Anyway, here are a couple of quick thoughts from Suits and Hwarang...

This was one of the most moving scenes from Suits for me (apart from the two farewells to grandma).

It reminded me of Someone I know who also bore our pain (Isaiah 53:4) and is now our Advocate before the Judge (1 John 2:1).

Also when we intercede for others, we need to empathise with their pain and not give up pleading for them.

As for Hwarang, I was reluctant to watch the series as I suspected it was merely a ruse to cash in on the cast of male idols' popularity. And unfortunately, I was right! The plot was predictable and the acting mostly over the top. 

The only saving grace, and the reason why I succumbed to watching it all the way through, was PHS' eyes. They expressed all the different emotions he had so well, from anger at the injustice faced by the poor and weak, to the longing for his love interest, and the self-doubt over his ability to be a good king.

In this particular scene, his teacher assures him that he does indeed have the qualification to reign as his desire has always been to become a suffering king. 

It reminded me of our suffering King who bore our pain, even to death on the Cross, in order for us to be saved. That's why He deserves all our worship and adoration! 🙌

And for this, it made the time spent on the drama worthwhile. 😆

P.S. Another saeguk about a Christ-like figure monarch is "Love in the Moonlight". It had a much stronger plot, so much so that it got TWO entries in my blog! Read on to find out more...

Part 1

Part 2

P.P.S. Just for fun 😆

Valentine's Day Special with Kim Seon-Ho [SPOILER ALERT!]

I wasn't really planning to do a V-day post, cos cliched much? Plus I've already written an ultra-sweet post some time ago on the topic of love. But while I was cooking lunch and boiling soup stock for dinner, inspiration hit me and so here goes…

First of all, hands up if you're #teamjipyeong or a fan of Kim Seon-Ho - cos I am! Along with millions of others around the globe, we noticed his charming dimpled smile in Start-Up and couldn't help but be drawn in by his superb acting skills (probably due to his stage experience). Many of us have also gone on a trek through k-drama archives to watch his previous works, like Catch the Ghost. 

So while ruminating on what love meant for the KSH characters in these two series, I realised that to both Ji-Pyeong in Start-Up and Ji-Seok in Catch the Ghost, love meant laying down one's life for the one you love. 

 

There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 

John 15:13

 

In Ji-Pyeong's case, it's at the point when he realises that he hadn't been willing to give up his status and successful track record for Dal-Mi (Bae Suzy) where he concedes defeat to his rival Do-San (Nam Joo-Hyuk) who quit his well-paid Silicon Valley job to help Dal-Mi fulfil her dream.

On the other hand, Ji-Seok, who was initially reluctant to risk his own well-being for his new partner, Ryeong (Moon Geon-Young) reaches an epiphany when he confides to his mother that he would do anything to protect Ryeong as she is precious to him. 

Love bears all things, ... endures all things. 

1 Corinthians 13:7

However, it's not only in the life-threatening cops and robbers chase scenes that Ji-Seok displays his selfless love. We already found out early on in the series that he had foregone brilliant prospects in the police force for a mundane job as a subway police chief, in order to not only pay for his mother's nursing home bills but more importantly to ensure that he would stay unharmed and alive as he was the sole family member left to care for his mother.

He even has to disguise himself as his late father when visiting her because she is suffering from dementia and thinks of herself as her 17yo self who's being courted by her husband-to-be. He does all this without complaint despite the fact that she doesn't remember him at all and addresses him as ahjussi (uncle) whenever he appears before her without his usual get-up.

Which brings me back to making lunch and boiling soup stock... for I put in the effort to prepare my children's favourite dishes regardless of how much I dislike cooking because of my love for them. This same motivation is true for mothers who sacrifice promising careers to be stay-home moms as well as those who work full-time jobs to provide for the family while also playing the role of homemaker after work. It is in the willingness to lay down your life, by putting the needs of your loved ones before your own, that true love is shown. 

Love keeps no record of wrongs.

1 Corinthians 13:5b

Although Ji-Seok is willing to put his life on the line for Ryeong, it is hard for her to accept his affections. The turning point comes when he defends her before her colleagues. They blame her for her sister's abduction by the serial murderer as she had abandoned her autistic twin on the train. Ji-Seok understands that it was a momentary slip as she had reached breaking point after having been the lone caregiver for her sister since they were 10yo. It is this act of grace that finally convinces Ryeong of his love for her.

Their love is not an inward-focused lovey dovey thing though, as they continue to fight the baddies and save the world together after they start dating. In fact, Ji-Seok becomes braver and more dynamic as a leader by drawing on the strength that Ryeong gives him. In addition, even those colleagues who had previously bullied her are so inspired by her sacrificial love for her sister that they also spring into action readily when called upon to help her find her missing twin.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 

Hebrews 10:24

So let us also take our inspiration from Christ who first loved us and gave His life for us, and go love our neighbours as ourselves. And may His love that flows through us not only lead others to know Him but also be willing to lay down their own lives to love others. After all, that is the real meaning of Valentine's Day!

Some thoughts on #hobbylobbychallenge

I’ve been quite tickled by the creativity of many of the Hobby Lobby challengers, especially those who also post photos of what they really look like behind-the-scenes. The transformation from their real-life settings to the magazine-cover-worthy results can be pretty amazing! If you haven't seen any of them yet, just search #hobbylobbychallenge and have a look for yourself. 

You will see that while the final shot gives the impression that they are in the middle of a flower garden or something, in actual fact, they are in the middle of a shop aisle surrounded by a plethora of artificial decor plants, shelves, plant pots and other accessories, and signs and labels indicating prices and special deals. Very often, they would also have taken some of the stalks of flowers or leaves on sale and rearranged them, and ended up with bits and bobs strewn across the floor. So the whole scene is of a real big mess! However, these Hobby Lobby challengers start off with a vision of the final shot they want to achieve and keep their focus only on that, so they are not bothered by the mess around them.  

Where there is no vision, the people perish. Proverbs 29:18a 

In our own lives, for most things that we embark on, we also need to start off with a vision, preferably a God-given one. For students, it might be an ambition of what they would become at the end of their studies. For parents, it could be a picture of how their family would be a blessing to those around. And in the workplace, it might be a vision of how a project would help to improve people’s lives. When we are guided by a clear vision, it not only directs the steps we should take to reach it, it also helps us to keep going even when things seem to go awry and circumstances look a bit messy. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 

Not only are the Hobby Lobby challengers situated in the midst of a mess, they also have to get into some very awkward and uncomfortable positions, frequently in extremely cramped spaces, in order to get just the right frame, angle and lighting for their shots. They even have to stay in those poses for a long time while their photographer friend attempts multiple shots at a gazillion different angles. I imagine most of them also had to get up really early or stay up late in order to get to the Hobby Lobby stores when there are hardly any shoppers around. Yet they are willing to endure all kinds of hardship for the sake of realising their vision of that perfect shot. In the same way, we should keep our eyes fixed on our Godly vision in whatever we are striving for, then no amount of trials and suffering would deter us from reaching for it.  

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1b-2 

Some of these Hobby Lobby Challengers also describe in their Instagram and Facebook posts how they were told off, threatened and even driven out of the stores by the store managers. Nevertheless, they don't give up and keep up their attempts in different branches and at different timings of the day, all for the sake of getting THE shot! In our quest to fulfill our vision, we may also face opposition, rejection and humiliation. Again, let's not allow detractors to derail us from our course. 

Everyone will hate you because of me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. Mark 13:13 

Finally, if you haven't noticed by now, every Hobby Lobby Challenger needs to have at least one friend to help take the photographs. Some of them even have additional companions who help to conceptualise and arrange the flora for the shots. So before we start on our journey towards our envisioned goal, get someone else on board so we can encourage and spur each other on along the way.  

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12 

In summary, have a vision, ignore the mess, endure hardship, ditch the naysayers and grab a friend. That is the recipe not just for a successful Hobby Lobby challenge but for almost anything we do in life too! 

Now, how about a Singapore-style #hobbylobbychallenge right outside one of our friendly neighbourhood supermarkets? 😉