"She Would Never Know" (aka "Sunbae, Don't Put On That Lipstick") - some thoughts [SPOILER ALERT]

I have to confess that I only started watching She Would Never Know because of Rowoon. His character in Extraordinary You (which I have an overdue post about, will try to get it done soon!) offered very little scope for him to show his acting skills. So I was curious to know how well (or badly) he would do in the leading role of Chae Hyun-Seung in his latest drama. But as I got into the plot, I became drawn in by the side story of his older sister Chae Yeon-Seung (Ha Yoon-Kyung) and her husband Kang Woo-Hyun (Lee Dong-Ha). 

Some of you may already have read the countless reviews and comments that celebrate the victory of how a same-sex attracted Woo-Hyun found his true identity and was liberated to pursue his deepest desires (for a same-sex relationship). And many of these writers even commend Yeon-Seung for being so supportive and understanding.

Honestly, I find such a narrative extremely disturbing as it is perpetuating the lies that have permeated popular media and culture, and are gradually seeping into mainstream society here in Asia.

Lie #1: Sex is everything!

That's what popular media tells us - if the sex is great, then the relationship must be good. And conversely, if there's no sex (or very little of it) in the relationship, then there's nothing worth saving.

Well, after being married for almost 25 years, I can tell you that sex is NOT everything in a marriage relationship! There are so many times and seasons in a marriage where sex hardly features at all, like when you're having a baby, or feeling sick, or drained after a day of work and running after the kids, and of course there's always that one week or so each month where sex is off-limits.

If sex were everything, then no marriage would be able to survive all these sexless times and periods (pun intended). But the fact that marriages have lasted and even become stronger only goes to show that the husband and wife relationship is based on so much more than just sex.

Trust, open communications, love and care for each other, supporting each other through tough times, partnership in building the family, and more. These are the qualities that help to strengthen a marriage and they are also the indicators of whether the relationship will survive and we can grow old (when sex drive is almost zilch) together till death do us part.

In fact, Yeon-Seung and Woo-Hyun had all these in their relationship even though Woo-Hyun wasn't physically attracted to her. After all, she was the one who helped him to come to terms with and accept his own sexual orientation. Contrastingly, Woo-Hyun's relationship with the man who had awakened his same-sex attraction, Chef Ryu Han-Seo (Choi Jung-Won), had none of these factors. So his relationship with his wife was much healthier than the one he had with his former lover.

Lie #2: Same-sex attraction trumps everything else!

Nowadays, if we do not allow someone with same-sex attraction to fulfil their sexual desires, we are labelled as bigots. And it has reached the extent where the same-sex attracted person should be allowed to ignore all other responsibilities and commitments, otherwise we would be seen as bullies trying to repress their sexuality and identity.

Again, we need to understand that we are not defined solely by our sexual identity. There's so much more to a person than their sexuality! And that includes the roles and responsibilities we each bear in our families, workplaces and society at large. So for instance if you're married, it would be adulterous to have a sexual relationship with someone other than your spouse.

In Woo-Hyun's case, he decided to divorce Yeon-Seung in order to pursue his same-sex desires. If he were not same-sex attracted and had left his wife to pursue another woman because he is no longer attracted to his wife, he would be condemned as being unfaithful. So it doesn't make sense that just because he's same-sex attracted, then his infidelity is justified. He had married Yeon-Seung willingly and without coercion, so he should be expected to fulfil the lifetime commitment that he had made, regardless of whether his sexual desires are for another man or woman.

Lie #3: The kids will get over the divorce.

Moreover as a father to a young child, Woo-Hyun also has to bear the responsibility for his daughter’s welfare. And divorce is never good for the kids! They won't ever get over it either. The destructive ramifications of divorce are life-long. 

The saddest part about all this is that the kids are often too young to be able to express the hurt and pain that they experience. I just read a well-written sharing by an adult of her difficult journey through her parents' divorce and the growing up years, and even through to adulthood.

I was particularly struck by what she said here:

The parents are supposed to be the ones who sacrifice and accommodate in order to support their children, not the other way around! The world has pretty much turned upside-down. Such warped values which promote the selfish pursuit of one's own happiness above fulfilling parental responsibilities are resulting in an entire generation of damaged, orphaned souls. 

Anyway, this has turned out to be a much longer rant than I had imagined. So let's be aware of the lies that are being reinforced when we consume popular media so we don't get sucked in or worse, even start living them out in our own lives.

If you're interested, here's an earlier post on the Brangelina divorce.

Find strength in the Lord for the victory is near!

I tried out the Bibliolog interactive Bible study method (which we learnt from Birte Papenhausen recently) during a parents’ prayer meeting today, with the passage taken from 1 Sam 30:1-19. You can read my prepared script here. The parents found it very refreshing as the method helped us to immerse ourselves in the story and experience it first-hand as though we were one (or a few) of the characters. It also opened our hearts to allow the Holy Spirit to speak into our own lives and situations. After the session, many of the parents were asking how they could also use the Bibliolog method in their Sunday school classes, small groups and family devotions!

Even while I was preparing the script, I had received great encouragement from the example of David. He sought the Lord in a time of great distress and found strength in the Lord (v.6). Not only that, when he enquired of the Lord, he was told that he would succeed in rescuing their wives and children who had been taken captive (v.7-8). From these verses, I was reminded to look to God no matter how bad things may be and to trust that in Him, we will have victory over all obstacles and circumstances. This is especially relevant for parents who, like David, may feel that they have lost their children to various bondages like addictions, sexual sin, depression or loss of faith. Regardless of how far away they may seem, we can be assured that God is watching over them, He is in control and He will bring them home one day!

During the Bible study this morning, from the responses the parents gave as well as my own thoughts as we went along, I also realised that sometimes we are like the captive wives and children. We may have yielded to sin and find ourselves separated from our family, church and God. But God will not let us go and He continues to pursue us with His love, just as David and his men did not give up the rescue mission even when some among them were too exhausted to go on (v.10).

At times, we may be like those '200 men' who had to stay back. We may feel helpless and unable to do anything to help our children when they are in trouble or even suffering. Instead, we have to rely on others to reach out to our children to lead them out of pain or darkness. For instance, children who shut us out and refuse to talk or listen may need counsellors or youth group leaders to speak with them, or children who are seriously ill would need doctors to heal them. In such cases, all we can do is wait and pray – not only for the results but also for those ‘400 men’ who are battling to save our children.

Finally, while putting ourselves in the shoes of one of the men who had gone out with David and returned victorious, I saw that there are occasions when we may misunderstand the intentions of others. Imagine if the men thought that David was wasting their time or had given up on the rescue mission when he went away to pray, and they had gone off on their own without him or even stoned him to death! Either way, I doubt they would have been successful in retrieving their wives, children and all the plunder. We also need to be patient and give others the benefit of the doubt rather than jump to conclusions and worse still, act or speak rashly against them. In fact, we should stay humble and be willing to learn from others, especially from men and women of faith how to relate with and trust in God.

Saimdang, Educational Reforms and the Class Divide

I know I promised there would be a second part to Love in the Moonlight in my previous post, but I just had to interrupt the series with another saeguk (period drama). That’s because soon after I had finished watching Saimdang: Memoir of Colours just last week, an online storm broke out over two issues which I realised were addressed in Saimdang. [Before I forget, you can watch the series legally (ha!) on Netflix.]

Although the series hadn't done so well in terms of its domestic ratings, I personally loved it for the breathtaking beauty portrayed through the magnificent scenery, the exquisite paintings, and even the painters' creative process. I also liked that there were strong female characters - Saimdang herself (Lee Young Ae, from the well-loved Dae Jang Geum aka Jewel in the Palace), and her childhood-friend-turned-nemesis Hwieumdang (Oh Yoon Ah) - and the redemptive element in their relationship. Towards the end, Hwieumdang repented of her scheming ways and saved Saimdang from her villainous husband's plot to kill Saimdang, Saimdang not only forgave her but healing and restoration came when Saimdang cared for Hwieumdang's children when she was in exile.

In fact, the entire series is an extended lobby for gender equality, with both Saimdang and her daughter Mae-chang fighting for recognition of their artistic talents in the royal court. With a bit of research, I found that the historical figure Sin Saimdang, on whom the drama is loosely based, was a bit of a non-conformist herself. She pursued her artistic and literary passions even though it was practically prohibited of women born in nobility. Not only is she one of the very few female painters recorded in Korean history, she is also revered as a model for all mothers. Both she and one of her sons, Confucian scholar Yi I, are commemorated on the ₩50,000 and ₩5,000 notes respectively.

Now, let’s talk about one of the recent uproars on local media. The Ministry of Education is revamping the examination structure in schools by reducing the number of exams students will take in their school career so they can be encouraged to develop a love for learning. There has been applause as well as opposition to the move. No matter what top-down changes are made, ultimately it’s the attitude on the ground, of parents and even students themselves, that must shift before real change can occur.

In the drama, Saimdang withdrew her son Hyeon-ryong (based on the real life Yi I) from the most prestigious school in the city even though he had passed a very difficult admission test. She had discovered that the parents and the students were fixated on results and student ranking, so much so that Hyeon-ryong was beaten up by Hwieumdang and her son after Hyeon-ryong ousted the boy from first place. The headmaster had tried to introduce creative teaching strategies to get the students to develop a sense of curiosity and learn through self-discovery. However, the parents went up in arms and demanded that he revert to the traditional rote learning methods. Furthermore, Saimdang overheard Hyeon-ryong cornering the teacher in class with his trick questions. Once they got home, she reprimanded him for showing off his intelligence by trying to outsmart the teacher. She emphasised the need for good character above talent and intelligence, and concluded that she would teach him herself at home.

Meanwhile, Saimdang’s eldest son Seon confided hesitantly in her that he would like to become a blacksmith instead of continuing with his studies, but was worried that she would feel ashamed of him. To his surprise, Saimdang encouraged him to find his own path and not feel burdened to follow what society expected of him. She elaborated on how the many different occupations are equally important and all help to contribute to the community in their own ways. Subsequently, Saimdang set up a school in their village which welcomed children of all social classes and abilities and every child was encouraged to develop their unique talents. The children had so much fun learning and exploring together that some of the students from the top school even ‘dropped out’ with their parents’ blessings so as to join her school.

The other contentious topic has been about the class divide in Singapore. Accusations are rife online of how there is a lack of social mixing in the community while elitism is being promoted in schools, and the welfare of the lower classes is being ignored by the government. Again, regardless of whatever policies and welfare programmes there may or may not be, we need to have people who will be counter-culture and make attempts to cross the divide and blur the lines separating the different classes for social stratification to be torn down.

Whereas the servants in other households were treated as nameless and faceless almost sub-human creatures, Saimdang regarded her servant girl Hyang-i as one of her own children. Hyang-i would be included in family discussions with her opinions taken into consideration, she sat together with the family during meals, and everyone chipped in with the housework rather than order her around for every little task. (Hyang-i is at the far left and far right of the pictures below.)

After a boy tried to rob Saimdang, she followed him home as he said he needed money to buy medicine for a sickly grandfather. This led to her discovery of a group of starving gypsies living in caves near her paper mill. She immediately cooked some food and fed them, then invited them to work in her mill with the promise that she would split the earnings equally with them. Despite her noble background, she lived and worked among them, and was the first to start every morning and last to pack up at night. She was always polite and respectful, even though the gypsy boy had tried to rob her and some of the other gypsies had initially been suspicious of her and spoken rudely to her.

Saimdang also influenced others to look beyond class distinctions. For instance, she involved her children in the work at the paper mill and in the process, they learnt not to judge anyone based on their class or background. Another noblewoman joined her at the mill to cook and serve food to the workers. The policy at the mill was that whoever had done some work would be given free meals. When the crown prince visited the mill incognito together with another nobleman, they even offered to wash the dishes in order to be able to eat with the workers!

So let’s take a leaf from Saimdang’s book. Rather than point fingers at the government or at society about the ills of the education system or the widening class divide, remember that change really starts with individuals - you and me - who dare to live and act according to our beliefs, whether it’s to focus on character-building, promote a love for learning or bridge the social gap. And sooner or later, there will be a ripple effect as more and more people are affected, and that’s when culture shifts.

References:

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sin_Saimdang

2. "Women, Gender and Art in Asia, c.1500-1900" edited by Melia Belli Bose

NDP 2018 - the next generation, hope for the future

This was my favourite scene from the National Day Parade last night (celebrating the 53rd year of Singapore). My next favourite part would be the parallels drawn between those who literally built our nation in the past (Samsui women) and those who continue building in the present (foreign construction workers). Anyway, back to this photo! It shows the student uniformed groups marching up the spectator stands, waving at and high-fiving members of the audience. The commentary went something like this, "There's the symbolism of having these students embody the commitment, energy and dynamism of young Singaporeans as they chart a path to a greater future for Singapore."

Looking at these fresh, happy faces, I certainly felt the joy and hope for a bright future for them as individuals and for us all as a nation. However, I was moved not only by this. I had mixed feelings due to having heard about four young people aged between 18 and 21 who had taken their own lives, all within the past three weeks. These four were just like the young people featured at the parade, yet their course through life had ended abruptly. I had been grieving the loss of these young lives and the promise that each of them had held. So when I saw this portion of the NDP, the sense of hope for the next generation was once again revived in me!

It begs the question though, of what we must do to help and support these young people in order for them to achieve that bright future. Youth nowadays face much more pressures and stress than we did. Instead of the two exams a year I used to have, many of them now have to take weekly tests too. And while we who were in the performing arts groups had a year's break between each SYF competition, they are now made to enter various regional/international competitions during that in-between year.

Some may say we just need a structural change, a revamp of the education system for instance. Yet, I think that it requires everyone of us to have an attitude change. At the societal level, there is a cause-and-effect mentality where we expect certain results (output) after all the resources that have been invested (input) in our young. But we mustn't forget that these are individuals with unique interests, talents, challenges and struggles.

So regardless of whether you have a young person under your direct care or not, the next time you meet one, don't just ask them about their exams or results. Be genuinely interested in what they are passionate about, and show real concern for the burdens that they carry. We may not be able to change the system on our own, but by sharing our ears, hearts and love with them, we will make all the difference in their lives.

Great in me

During a recent prayer meeting in church, the leader said something about God being great in us and it got me wondering, "How does God become great in us?" And immediately, a question popped into my head, "Will you allow God to be great in you?"

The thing is, at the beginning of this year, I had looked at all the assignments and projects for the year and thought that my plate was pretty much full. So I decided I wouldn't take on anymore work. But soon after that, an offer came to do some academic writing and I couldn't refuse as it's something I've grown to love during the two years in Bible college! I thought this must be it, no more after this! However, God has proven time and again that whenever I say never, I would soon come to regret it. A week before the said prayer meeting, He had shown me a need and directed me to offer myself to meet that need. I've learnt not to struggle for too long because He always wins me over, so I said yes.

And God started to show me the answer to the question, "Will you allow God to be great in you?" If I only venture to do the things that I can cope with on my own strength, then I don't need God in me to accomplish all that. But if I obey His directions to take on tasks that are beyond my abilities, then I would only be able to work through them if God works through me. Therefore, when I become weak when faced with those insurmountable challenges, and His power in me helps me to overcome them, God becomes great in me!

In fact, when I look back, I see how this has happened many times in my life whenever I yield to His leading and attempt incredible things. Like when He told me to quit my job and be a fulltime mom. I had absolutely no idea how to take care of babies and children, cook, and do housework (my mom is a progressive who didn't believe that her daughter's place should be in the kitchen!) But He not only enabled me to learn to take care of my family, He also led me to mentor other moms. Even older moms sometimes look to me for advice on parenting!

And then when I thought I had gotten my act together, He told my husband and I to start a music ministry from scratch, outside the church, without any finances and personnel other than the two of us. To cut a long story short, after just about five years, we had reached out to tens of thousands of youth and had a team of over a hundred volunteers!

Which was when He told us to drop everything and undertake a postgraduate course in a Bible college in the UK. We had neither the money nor the brains for it. After all, the only reading I had done in more than 10 years were the Bible and books on parenting. We also didn't have any prior theological training. Plus, how were we to move our whole family to the UK? What would we do about the children's education? Well, again He worked in and around us and now we have come back from the UK to Singapore, with our Masters degrees! In addition, the children slipped right back into the schools here and performed marvellously well in their national exams.

I am not saying all this to boast about our achievements and success. In fact, I'm boasting about how weak I had felt every time He called me to something seemingly impossible. Yet, each time He said, "My grace is sufficient for you." And when I had struggled enough and eventually said yes to Him, I allowed Him to be great in me and His power worked through me to do whatever He wanted. So, will you also allow Him to be great in you?

"Surely the people are grass"

While I was praying with some moms for their children recently, I suddenly saw a picture of an ear of barley in my head. Did a quick Google search and found that barley, like other grains such as wheat and rice, is classified as grass. It was one of the earliest grains to be cultivated and is currently the fourth highest in terms of quantity being produced. In fact, it has many uses and is seen as a highly nutritious health food.

As I continued to ask God about the significance of this picture, I realised that many people, including the young people we were praying for, probably feel like they are as worthless as grass. Thoughts of not being good enough, not valued by others, and not having any purpose in life, are common to many children and youth. Is that not like grass, which grows and withers quickly, without being noticed by anyone? Such sentiments also seem to be reflected in Isaiah 40:7, "The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass."

However, if we scan through the Bible, we actually find that grass is highly valued by God. Otherwise, He wouldn’t clothe the grass of the field in splendour beyond Solomon’s (Matthew 6:29-30), nor would the grass be so carefully mentioned in three out of four accounts of the feeding of five thousand (Matthew 14:19, Mark 6:39, John 6:10). And when the earlier verse in Isaiah 40:7 was quoted by Peter, he explained that when we have the living Word of God in us, we are no longer perishable like grass but we become imperishable (1 Peter 1:23-25).

Furthermore, He has created grass for a purpose (check Wikipedia!), just as how He has set us apart in our mother’s womb and called each one of us to a wonderful destiny (Isaiah 49:1, Jeremiah 1:5, Galatians 1:15). But if the grains are not gathered and processed, they would just remain as grass and the nutrients would be left untapped. So every individual needs to seek God to discover what his/her unique purpose in this life is and then pursue it, in order to fulfil the potential that He has given. Until then, we would go through life aimlessly and find it meaningless, for “Where there is no vision, the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18a KJV). Yet when we have the Word of God in us and allow Him to direct us in realising the purpose He has ordained for our lives, we will find true fulfilment and joy. That is why the second half of the verse says, “one who follows divine instruction will be happy” (Proverbs 29:18b CSB).

Transforming Youth and Children's Ministry from "Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom"

Rob Rienow explains God's design for ministry and evangelism to youth and children in his book, Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom.

SO WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED?

Through the last century of modern youth and children's ministry we have learned what we are looking for is:

• A low "leader-to-child ratio"
• A person who will disciple a child for the long haul
• A person who loves the child with all their heart and is willing to sacrifice everything to lead them toward godliness
• A person who has day-in, day-out experience and skills working with this age of child
• A person who has authority from God to require obedience from the child.

Does this sound like someone we might know? A parent! All the things we are looking for in our church-based ministries God has already built into the institution of the family, and the parent-child relationship.

BUT WHAT ABOUT KIDS WHO DON'T HAVE CHRISTIAN PARENTS?

I can hear you. "Rob, this whole model where the church equips Christian parents to disciple their kids is great for all the Christian families, but what about all the unsaved kids who don't have parents to disciple them?" This question is of the utmost urgency and importance.

As a first response, I need to address the assumption in the question. The assumption is that our modern ministry is radically effective evangelistically.

I once gathered together my team of ten paid youth ministry staff and asked them a question, "Can you give me the names of students who have come to Christ in this last year?" I didn't want names of students who checked a box on a card. I didn't want names of students who were on fire for a month and disappeared. I wanted the names of students who a year ago were lost, in families that were lost, and who were now converted, walking with Christ, and meaningfully connected with the church.

The response? At first, silence. Everyone was racking their brain trying to think of a student who was a new believer. This was in the context of five hundred active students from 7th-12th grade. This was in the context of a ministry dedicated to outreach and evangelism. We were blowing the doors off. Many events were standing room only. Yet, we were struggling to come up with specific students who we knew had been converted. After more thought, we identified five students who we believed were new converts. Five out of five hundred.

So my first response to the question of reaching unsaved youth is to challenge the assumption that what we are currently doing is effective. While God uses fallen people and flawed methods (thank you, Lord) to advance His Kingdom, we should not be at all satisfied with the evangelistic effectiveness of our current ministry model. People are dying apart from Christ and going to hell, and through our ministry model we see precious few saved! We must return to God's methodology, not only because it is His, and not only for the sake of our own children, but for the sake of the lost as well.

I set out to interview these five new believers. I wanted to find out what happened to them. What was their story? How did God take them from darkness to light? Many of their answers would not surprise you. God brought them a Christian friend. They attended a couple of youth group events. They heard some portions of Scripture. But there was a common thread. Each of these five (and I realize this was not a Barna study) not only had a Christian friend, but they were meaningfully involved in their Christian friend's family life. They went on trips with them. They frequently were over for meals. They could walk in the front door without knocking, because they were so welcome in that home. They saw love, forgiveness, grace, joy, and the gospel in action.

I asked them, from their perspective, what had the greatest impact on their journey toward Christ. They all said in their own words, "being a part of that family." At that time I didn't understand the doctrines of sufficiency and jurisdiction, but my view of "child and youth evangelism" changed forever. Before that time, I thought the responsibility for reaching unsaved youth rested with Christian young people (through peer-to-peer evangelism) and with the local youth ministries.

I am now convinced the responsibility for child and youth evangelism is an "all-hands-on-deck" mission for every family in the local church. As a father, it is not my job to simply say to my children, "You need to be sharing Christ with your friends." Instead, God calls us to minister together as a family by opening our home to children in the neighborhood. Our family is a powerful evangelism and outreach center. This is not because we are super-spiritual, but simply because we are Christians.

If we are going to get serious about reaching children who don't have Christian parents, we need to unleash every single one of the local church's "satellite ministries." But Rob, we don't have any satellite ministries. Yes, you do! They are called homes.

My second response to the question of reaching unsaved children is we have dramatically over-estimated the evangelistic impact of church programs, and dramatically under-estimated the evangelistic impact of the Christian family. Imagine if the parents and grandparents in your church stopped looking to the youth ministry to reach the unsaved students in the community, but took the responsibility to intentionally welcome their children's friends into their homes with the goal of reaching not only them, but their entire family for Christ!

Here is the third response. One of the reasons we do not see many unsaved students coming to Christ is because the majority of our focus in Sunday school and youth group is on Christian students. If your church is like most, the majority of children in Sunday school are from church families. The majority of students on your youth group retreat are from church families. The leadership of the church, along with the parents, are expecting the youth and children's leaders to disciple the church kids! As a result, most next-generation ministry leaders are overwhelmed with all of their relationships and discipleship with children who come from Christian homes. This leaves precious little time for serious outreach to the unsaved.

This seems counter-intuitive, but an essential key to accelerating youth evangelism is for a church to embrace the biblical model of home discipleship. When this happens, the youth and children's ministry team is no longer expected to disciple the Christian children from the Christian homes! Instead, in accordance with God's Word, parents are trained and equipped to disciple their own children at home. When this happens (1) every Christian home grows in its mission of becoming a discipleship and evangelism center and (2) the youth and children's ministry staff at the church are freed up to get out of the church building and launch evangelistic initiatives out in the community. We cannot wait any longer to embrace the biblical model, for the sake of our own children, and for the sake of the lost.

Other excerpts from the book:

Death in the Ditches

Repentance

Pastoral Repentance

Overwhelmed, Burned-Out, and Discouraged

The Great Commission and The First Commandment

God's Call To Fathers

God’s Call To Fathers from "Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom"

From Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom by Rob Rienow:

In… Ephesians, God gives a Great Commission calling to fathers.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” - Ephesians 6:4

Fathers are to take the lead in passing faith and character to their children. What is God’s primary plan for children to be evangelised and discipled? Fathers. God did not create the institution of the local church to take over or replace His calling for fathers to disciple their children at home. Rather, the early Christian churches trained and equipped fathers for their “disciple making ministry” at home. Ephesians 6 is a specific example of this training. Ephesians, along with the other letters of the New Testament, were read as sermons in first century churches. These words were spoken from the pulpit to fathers: calling, challenging, and instructing them how to embrace their mission to disciple their children.

God gives men two vital words here if they want to impress the hearts of their children with a love for God. Fathers are to bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

The word discipline here means far more than correcting wrong behaviour. It is a word that connotes systematic training and action. One might think of teaching a child the “discipline” of karate. The child engages in wide variety of training activities, which in the end lead him toward becoming an expert in karate. In the same way, God calls fathers to take the lead in the spiritual training of their children. Fathers are to pray with their children, worship in church with their children, and serve their neighbour with their children. Fathers are to practise the disciplines of the Lord with their children.

But fathers are not only commanded to practise their faith with their children, they are commanded to bring them up in the instruction of the Lord. Echoing the Great Commandment in Deuteronomy 6, God calls fathers to talk with their children about the things of God. Where can a father find the “instruction of the Lord?” There is only one place: in His Word. Fathers are to lead regular family worship in the home: reading, studying, and discussing God’s Word at home.

Once again, God connects the Great Commission with the family. If a man wants to impact the world for Christ and he is a father, he should think first of the souls of children, the souls that God has uniquely entrusted to his care.

Other excerpts from the book:

Death in the Ditches

Repentance

Pastoral Repentance

Overwhelmed, Burned-Out, and Discouraged

The Great Commission and The First Commandment
Transforming Youth and Children's Ministry

The Great Commission and The First Commandment from "Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom"

From Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom by Rob Rienow:

At the end of Matthew’s Gospel, we find Jesus’ Great Commission to His disciples.

“And Jesus came and said to them, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age’” - Matthew 28:18-20

God’s desire from the creation of the world is unchanged. He wants this earth, and the New Earth, filled with worshippers. With this in mind, we can see the first commandment from Genesis 1:28 echoed here in the Great Commission. Jesus parallels, reiterates, and expands His first commandment to Adam and Eve.

FIRST COMMANDMENT	GREAT COMMISSION
Genesis 1:28	Matthew 28:19-20
Be fruitful and multiply	Make disciples
Fill the Earth	Of all nations
Subdue it	Teach them to observe all I have commanded

In the first commandment, God calls us to multiply physically and spiritually through having and raising godly children. Jesus calls His followers to “make disciples” and thereby multiply! Jesus called His disciples to be disciple-makers. In the beginning, God established His plan to “fill the earth.” Jesus repeats His own words from Genesis 1 when He calls His disciples to “all nations.” In the beginning, God called Adam and Eve to subdue the world, and take dominion over it. This meant far more than taking care of the garden and the animals. Adam and Eve, and their descendants were called to establish the righteous and holy reign of God in every sphere of life. Jesus reiterates this call by saying “teach them (all nations) to observe all I have commanded you.”

Am I arguing that the Great Commission is all about marriage, the family, and raising godly children? No, the Great Commission is much greater and broader. But as we have seen throughout God’s word, marriage, the family, and raising godly children are all connected to the Great Commission.

Like you, I have heard many sermons on the Great Commission. The typical pattern in these sermons is to preach through the text and then challenge the congregation to think about (1) our non-Christian neighbours, and (2) unreached people groups (global missions). Are you praying for and reaching out to your non-Christian neighbours, and are you involved in global missions? These are certainly proper challenges, and appropriate application points from Matthew 28.

But our adult friends and those on the other side of the world are not the first ones we are called to evangelise and disciple. If we are married, encouraging faithfulness and godliness in our spouse is where our ministry begins. If we are parents or grandparents, God has chosen to entrust immortal souls into our care. God has given us spiritual responsibilities with our children who are a higher priority than our spiritual opportunities with our neighbours.

As a pastor and preacher, God has graciously given me many opportunities to share about the gospel and see people repent and trust Christ. None of these conversions came about because of my flowery words or persuasive presentation. The Holy Spirit simply uses His Word and brings people to repentance. I have had the thought, “What if God used my sharing the gospel to lead 1,000 people to repent and trust Christ…but I lost one of my six children?” I am thankful for any fruit God brings about in my public ministry, but my greatest desire is to spend eternity with my wife and children. For many years, I was passionate about making disciples of those in my community and around the world, while I neglected my most important calling, leading my wife and children to know and love God.

God’s plan has been the same from the beginning. He is filling the earth with His worship and He has chosen His temporary institution of the family as an essential component to carry out His plan. In every chapter of the four gospels, except for Mark 4, God refers to family relationships or gives us spiritual truths using a family analogy. There is a divine ordering to our Great Commission ministry in the world.

Other excerpts from the book:

Death in the Ditches

Repentance

Pastoral Repentance

Overwhelmed, Burned-Out, and Discouraged
God's Call To Fathers
Transforming Youth and Children's Ministry

Overwhelmed, Burned-out, and Discouraged from "Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom"

Telling it like it is and not mincing his words, Rob Rienow in his book Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom:

These three words describe many pastors I know. Their days are spent counseling, setting up chairs, answering email, attending strategic planning meetings, preparing to preach, reading about current events and culture, fixing the sound system, visiting the sick, interviewing for a new youth pastor...and that is just the list for Monday.

These pastors frequently tell me about how overwhelmed they are, and at the same time how frustrating it is for them that their congregation is not as "engaged in the mission" as they should be. Sure, there are 20% of the people doing 80% of the work. Thank God for those 20%, but what about those other 80%? How can we get them engaged? How can we get them to volunteer more?

What are pastors to do with all these passive people? We need to work harder. We need to lead better. We need to cast more vision. We need to offer more equipping and training. The pastors need to do more.

But what if the passive congregation is not the result of the church leaders not doing enough, but doing too much?

Remember our basic jurisdictional principle? When larger jurisdictions overstep their bounds, lesser jurisdictions suffer a loss of resources, time, and motivation to do what God created them to do. The lesser jurisdictions usually become less effective in their God-given role of advancing the Gospel and building His Kingdom.

Here is the ugly truth. Many Christians in our churches today are passive because they can be. They don't need to engage in mission, because whether they engage or not, the church leaders will make it happen. I can just show up, sit, and soak, and all these wonderful programs happen anyway! Not only that, I can take pride in being a part of a church that offers such wonderful programs, even though I have no part in making them happen, other than an occasional donation.

The root of the problem is often not that Christians in the church are doing too little, but the leaders in the church are doing too much!

Could it be that our great youth and children's ministries have had the unintended effect of separating parents from their children and decreased the ability of parents to disciple their children at home? Is it possible with all our great intentions of "reaching the youth" and "leading kids to Jesus" we usurped the responsibility of parents to be the primary spiritual trainers of their children in the home? We didn't mean for this to happen, but in many cases we have robbed parents and families of the motivation, time, and resources they needed for their family to function as God intended.

Could it be that our dynamic and "non-threatening" evangelistic events at church have had the unintended consequence of Christian families and Christian individuals not being evangelistic in their own homes and neighborhoods? The evangelistic call to the Christian has changed from "Invite your neighbors into your home. Share your life with them. Pray for God to give you an opportunity to share the Gospel" to "We have an incredible outreach event here at church next month. Pray about who you can invite to church so they can hear the gospel from our special speaker." Is it possible that the more pastors and church leaders focus on running outreach events at church, the less Christians share their faith in their neighborhoods and workplaces?

IT'S NOT JUST PASTORS

Church leaders are not the only ones who are overwhelmed. Remember the 20% of the congregation doing 80% of the work? We usually focus our concern on how to get the 80% motivated and on-board.We need to pay equal attention to the probability that those 20% are just as overwhelmed, burned-out, and discouraged as the pastors are.

These are the ones who "answered the call!" They "stepped-up" to volunteer! They are the ones who are serious about living missional, externally-focused, gospel-driven lives...right? Maybe. Volunteering has become the gold standard for "serious" Christians.

But I have lost track of the number of people who have come to me for counseling because they were giving it all at church, volunteering in a wide range of ministries, yet their marriages were crumbling, and their children were walking away from God. All the wonderful programs of the church, and the pressure to be involved in them, can be a factor in robbing people of the time they need for their most important ministry, their ministry to their own family members.

I'll never forget one particular morning of ministry. At 9:00a.m., I had an appointment with two young men. One was in his late teens, the other in his early twenties. I had known the family for some time, and the young men wanted to meet with me to talk about their struggles in their relationship with their father. To put it bluntly, they were struggling with feelings of hatred for him, and they wanted guidance with how to handle those feelings and develop a better relationship with their dad. It was not an easy meeting, but I admired their willingness to meet with me.

At 10:00a.m., we had a pastoral leadership meeting. A special guest was invited to join us, the father of the young men I had just met with. He had done a great job volunteering in summer outreach ministry and one of the pastors had invited him in to celebrate his good work. I was the only one in the room with the knowledge of what was going on with his sons. Those two hours, back to back, broke my heart. Here was a group of pastors celebrating his impact in the lives of other children in the community, while his own children were struggling in a broken relationship with him. More had become less. I must commend my friend at this point. When he learned about this series of events, he deepened his commitment to reach out to his sons and restore his relationship with them.

When the leaders in a local church do too much, when the church goes beyond its biblical jurisdiction, the church becomes quickly filled with a mix of passive and exhausted Christian families and Christian individuals. When this cycle takes hold churches suffer, families suffer, individuals suffer, and the Gospel is hindered.

Other excerpts from the book:
Death in the Ditches
Repentance
Pastoral Repentance
The Great Commission and The First Commandment
God's Call To Fathers
Transforming Youth and Children's Ministry

Pastoral Repentance from "Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom"

Challenging existing structures and paradigms for how church is run, Rob Rienow in Limited Church: Unlimited Kingdom:

For the first decade of my pastoral life, I had little to no understanding about the sufficiency of Scripture as it related to my leadership in the church. During those years, I was a youth pastor, and one of my favourite principles was, "I have an unchanging message in a constantly changing package." In other words, the message of the Gospel is unchanging, but my ministry methods will be constantly changing to meet the changing needs of youth culture. I was quite proud of how missiological this sounded! I felt I could and should do anything to evangelize and disciple the teens in my community.

But there was a terrible problem with this philosophy. When it comes to ministry in the local church, God is not silent on the method. The Bible doesn't say, "Here is the Gospel, get it to children however you want to," Instead, God's Word is filled with His ends and His means. He tells us what He wants and how He wants it done.

Remember that God has spoken to us on four levels in the Bible. I only saw the first two levels of "God's truth" and "God's will." I believed and embraced that the Bible taught God's love and heart for children (God's truth). I believed and embraced that in the Bible God expresses His will that children are to be evangelized and discipled (God's will). But, that was as far as I went. I completely missed His methods and His jurisdictions. I embraced God's ends, but not God's means. I did not understand that He had given the local church responsibility and authority to nurture, bless, and equip the Christian family for spiritual success.

In the Bible God not only tells us His heart to reach children for Christ, but he tells us how He wants it done. If you locked yourself in a room with the Bible and you asked the question, "God, how do you want young people to be evangelized and discipled?" what do you think the answer would be? What method has God given us to raise the next generation for the glory of God?

If you used the Bible and the Bible alone, the answer would be overhwelmingly clear. God created parents and grandparents to be the primary spiritual trainers of their children at home. God created parents and grandparents to shepherd and disciple their children. This is the divine strategy for next generation ministry.

Despite the fact God has spoken so clearly about this in the Bible, I created a youth ministry where parents could drop their kids off with me and the other "professionals" so we could teach them the Bible, equip them for ministry, pray with them, and keep them accountable.

In the same way I had to repent of my lack of following the Bible in my life at home, I had to repent in my professional life at church. When it came to ministry decisions, I was doing things my way, in my wisdom, with my innovation, and through my creativity. I had to repent of the fact I was leading an unbiblical ministry. This is not to say everything I was doing was sinful, but when it came to my youth ministry, I was not allowing the Bible to determine my methods.

I believe that ministering to children and youth is a "good work!" Therefore, I believe in the Bible God has given us everything we need to be successful. Not only is the Bible sufficient for youth ministry, but for every "good work of the church." When we believe this - it changes everything.

- Do you believe the Bible is sufficient for women's ministry in your church?

- Do you believe the Bible is sufficient to direct your church in how you care for the poor?

- Do you believe the Bible is all you need to develop a strategy to minister to singles?

- Do you believe the Bible is sufficient to teach us how we are to worship God?

The easy answer is, "yes!" But how often is the Bible open in your ministry planning sessions? Are your leadership decisions based on what you think will work best, what seems most creative, or what God has specifically said in His Word? Do you seek to make every ministry decision in light of the commands and patterns for the New Testament church? God has spoken clearly and directly about every necessary ministry in His church, but are we listening? More importantly, are we willing to be obedient to what He has said?
Other excerpts from the book:
Death in the Ditches
Repentance
Overwhelmed, Burned-out, and Discouraged
The Great Commission and The First Commandment
God's Call To Fathers
Transforming Youth and Children's Ministry

Talking about suicide with our kids

Recently, there's been a lot of talk about how videos and social media are influencing children and young people to attempt/commit suicide (just google '13 Reasons Why' and 'Blue Whale Challenge' and you'll see what I mean). Even more sadly, there has in fact been a string of copycat suicide attempts in the schools/social circles that our own children are in. However, most of them had been intercepted and/or their lives were spared. So we have had to chat with our children regularly on this topic and I thought I might as well share some of the tips that we've given to them with other parents, children and youth.

1. Look out for one another

Look out for friends around you who may be suicidal - they may actually say they want to die, or they may be in depression or feeling depressed especially after experiencing failure or something demoralising. Talk with them, pray with or for them, and most importantly, alert an adult who can help eg parent, teacher, counsellor, pastor.

2. Watch your thoughts

Watch out for suicidal thoughts in your own mind and replace them with 'good thoughts' cos our thoughts will influence our feelings and ultimately our actions and behaviour.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

So if we keep dwelling on worldly ways of thinking such as 'life is meaningless' and 'I'll be better off dead', then pretty soon we will start to believe them and act them out. Instead, we need to fill our minds with Godly thinking which will lead to a transformation of our lives. Here are some egs of 'good thoughts'. There are many more in the Bible, of course.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life." John 14:6a

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:31-34

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. Psalm 23:1-3a

3. Get help!

Whenever you feel like you can't cope, go to God in prayer and worship, and read the Bible. Also, approach someone who can give wise and Godly counsel (a trusted adult eg parents, teacher, counsellor, pastor, youth leader) to talk with and get support from.